Money is what matters to me- Stanford app

What matters to you and why?

What matters to me most is money. " wow, really? this person must be really greedy" is what some people might think of my answer, but it is true. money is what matters to me ever since my mother lost her job. Many sacrifices had to be made, but one that really pains me the most is giving up golf. It all started this past summer, I decided to get a job instead of practicing for the up coming golf season. I knew with out practicing I would not make it on the varsity team again and would just barely make the junior varsity team. My mother wanted me to play this year, but I took it upon myself to decide to not practice over the summer, but instead to save money. I would not be able to live with myself knowing that I would have been the burden of the family, just because I wanted to play golf .

So, I started to write this and stopped because I don't know if this would be appropriate, what I mean is should I write about like a issues happening in the world or stick with this? Then I felt like I am trying to get people to feel sorry for me, but I don't know maybe I am thinking about this to hard. If I should stick with this should I like reflect on how this experience changed me and what i have learned from it?

I just need some ideas on how to continue to write this or just completely scratch this. Please help me and thank you!

I want to read more about your experience and how it changed you to become a better person. But the way to do that without making people feel sorry for you is to change your first paragraph. Since golf is really important to you, you may begin the paragraph describing your passion, and then ease into relating how your passion was placed on hold due to the financial situation you experienced due to your mom's job loss. At this point state the importance of money and how you were able to continue your golf interest (if that is true) or how it made you realize the path you wanted to take in life. It is a challenging topic to write on, however, with more effort and diligence, you will succeed in writing a very impressive essay. It would be great if you can incorporate some current world issues in order to support your argument (may be more challenging to do).

Personally I would choose a different topic, or at least a different title. Maybe you could say family is what matters to you most as you gave up your passion to help them?

I really enjoyed the opening! It is very crafty and unique but I'm not sure about it flowing as a whole piece.