"A mother of thirty-seven" - UC APPLICATION

I'm planning to apply in the fall as a Psychology major. For my personal statement I plan on writing about my experience as ASB president during my senior year and what went through my mind as I worked with my cabinet (37 students) to make decisions about school-related activities (fund raisers, assemblies, dances, volunteering, etc.) I plan on tying it in with my interest in psychology by discussing how I didn't understand why some students were so different from the others, how ideas vary so much, and how this made it difficult for all of us to work together. I believe that with furthering my knowledge in psychology, I will eventually have a better understanding of why people act they way they do and with that I will be able to help others interact and work more proficiently in group settings. Well, that's just the general gist of what I'm thinking of.

So far, I only have my intro. I would really appreciate it if you guys took a look at it and gave me some input, ideas, feedback, anything! Be harsh, I don't mind it. I need it. Thanks!

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What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

Seventeen years old and I was already a mom, not to two or five kids, but a whopping thirty-seven. My precious thirty-seven consisted of very few introverts; most of them were very strong-minded and sometimes a little too outspoken. Dealing with one or two kids who are like that can be quite demanding when it comes time to make a decision. Imagine dealing with thirty-seven of them, all at the same time, all throughout your senior year in high school--it's a whole 'nother story...

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From that point on, I plan on telling my story about what it was like as ASB president and why that has led me to choose psychology as a major.

I did not read the first part and delved right into your essay at first. I was shocked to read at how you were a mother of thirty seven children, at just seventeen years of age. I thought, 'wow'.

Then I read the beginning. I really dont think that you can compare that to a mother's position to be honest. You may have helped kids, but that does not necessarily mean that you undertook any maternal duties or used your maternal instinct, therefore calling yourself a 'mother' is quite bold.

Same. If I was an admissions officer I would feel as though you lied to me

Maybe you can talk about how ASB is like a family to you... instead of your kids =)

Yeah, the mother thing doesn't work at all. "Role-model" maybe?

i just felt the intro was a little cliche all together. im a little ambivalent on how i feel about the whole mother analogy thing, but everyone is saying you should change it, so i think thats best as well. maybe you should say something like you had 37 ple in your immediate family? idk.