What is your motivation to apply for UWC?

I'm in the 1st round of the UWC application and I need guidance on my essay. My questions are 1) Does my essay highlight UWC values? 2) How is the overall structure of the essay? 3) What can I add or change to make it even for the reader to be interested to learn more about me?

Question:
What is your motivation to apply for UWC and how would a UWC education help you achieve your personal and professional goals and aspirations?

My answer/essay:

I discovered the beauty of diversity through my participation in the Competitive College Club Congress. Collaborating with students from Russia, Belarus, Tajikistan, Georgia, and beyond, we delved into the multifaceted concept of diversity, devised strategies for student success, and collectively pushed our comfort zones. In my perspective, diversity correlates with higher productivity and performance rates, and the "Green Club" deepened this understanding as we emphasized our environmental concerns.

Understanding that as a leader, the best qualities I can embody are giving less and doing more, checking participation, and appreciating every little thing, I was inspired by my teammates. They demonstrated how different perspectives on one thing can change the concept of perfection, emphasizing that it only means achieving something within the right community. While volunteering at "Genc Konulluler," I learned how it can improve one's overall well-being and inspire positive action for a brighter future.

Currently, the project "1Manatenglish" aims to teach English as affordably as possible and bring orphaned kids back to society by offering them free English lessons. By assisting orphaned kids, we will accomplish a greater idea of active commitment to our values. I firmly believe education should be free for everyone, and the elimination of violence is another goal that I believe starts with education. I expect UWC to guide me while taking the right steps to build the community necessary to achieve my goals. Additionally, I must balance my studies and life. I know that UWC can assist me with this because, around my home, it is quite impossible to go on a walk or engage in my favorite activities such as hiking or swimming.

In conclusion, the International Baccalaureate is challenging, but I strongly believe I can cope with it using my resilience, knowledge, and true passion. I have researched and advocated pushing the barriers of my comfort zone to explore the world and myself.

I do not believe that you are responding to the question. You have delivered your community participation background. However, these do not equate to a motivation since you have not managed to connect it with your chosen major and how you expect UWC to help you further develop your motivation or turn it into a reality. You cannot respond to this question based on community participation alone. Not even if it is belongs to an international community. You must connect with the beliefs and values of UWC as it relates to your chosen major. The response is sorely lacking in reference to how you expect UWC to blend into your ideas as a student at the college.