breaking the poverty chain
Education is a poverty chain breaker.
I believe that the only thing nobody can't steal from us is education, furthermore, education is the one that can change the quality of life.
At a young age, science has taken my heart. I once tried to find interest in another field but science always successfully pull me again and led me find a way back. I was in a science major in my high school. In a society where students were compete one another to get the best score, my characteristic built. I used to live with discipline and challenges. It was in those years too when I was active in joining many Olympics. I also made some short trips because of my competitions in English Debate.
I'm a persistent fighter. Being the runner up of a storytelling contest in my district brought me to easily accepted to the most favorite high school in my district. Been in a storytelling competition was a challenge to myself because it was quite out of my passion. But that time I proved that I could overcome challenge and I stick to my establishment and always find a way to reach the goal.
When my family moved from Surabaya, the second biggest town in Indonesia, to Kediri, a little town in East Java Province, I learned to live far from modernity and fast-paced city life. I experienced the difficulty of chasing education not only from the access but also from the financial side. Lived in a limitation has shaped me into a tough individual. I realize that my family is not that financially blessed to provide my education, but I am mentally blessed that I got the spirit and faith to never give up and knowing that education is the only weapon I got to increase my family quality of life.
Continuing my education to Europe has been my biggest dream. I firmly believe that Stipendium Hungaricum Scholarship Program can turn my dream into reality. When I read what this program offers to international students, I know that Hungary is a missing piece of my mission. Applying for technical studies in Hungary is the right choice for me who want to learn engineering from the land of inventors in many fields and the country of many laureates of Nobel Prizes such as Philipp E. A. von Lenard (1862-1947) 1905 Physics, Robert Bárány (1876-1936) 1914 Medicine, Richard A. Zsigmondy (1865-1929) 1925 Chemistry, Albert von Szent-Györgyi (1893-1986) 1937 Medicine, George de Hevesy (1885-1966) 1943 Chemistry, Georg von Békésy (1899-1972) 1961 Medicine, Eugene P. Wigner (1902-1995) 1963 Physics, Dennis Gabor (1900-1979) 1971 Physics, John C. Polanyi (1930-) 1986 Chemistry, George A. Olah (1927-) 1994 Chemistry, John C. Harsanyi (1920-2000) 1994 Economics, Imre Kertész (1929-) 2002 Literature, Avram Hershko (1937-) 2004 Chemistry.
Furthermore, I believe that Hungary is not only instill an advanced education mind and scientist thingking-way but also complete what international students have been looking for, that is to study in the heart of Europe with a breathtaking landscape and historical urban centers with low rate of violent crime.
I particularly apply to study in Hungary by Stipendium Hungaricum Scholarship Program to actualize my dream, break the chain of poverty in my family. Studying in the field where my passion is passionate, engineering, and come back to my home town with plenty of knowledges and relations will be a stepping stone for me to raise the living standard of my family. I may not be the most perfect candidate because I do admit that I have flaws, but I have a strong will and good preparation to face the challenges. Yes, I am ready to go the extra mile for many things ahead in order to realize my dream.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 You are writing a motivational letter. Yet, there is no clear focus presented for your studies. Science is a general term for the learning department, it does not represent the actual focus of your studies. There needs to be a description of what has motivated your decision to focus on a particular section of science and how that learning will apply to your future job.
You have to convince the reviewer that you have some academic and personal motivations for choosing Hungary. There is a lack of reference to that. Simply enumerating the notable scientists from Hungary does not prove that you have proper motivations. It only proves you know how to research, in the wrong manner. None of these scientists actually played a hand in motivating your decision to seek out this scholarship and college major.
You have not even chosen a university in particular to attend in Hungary and explain why you chose that university based on your learning interests and training requirements for your future job. What you wrote is not not a motivational letter. You need to focus on projecting the correct information in your motivational letter. I have given you an idea of how you can do that based on the missing topics in your discussion. Delete this essay. Write a totally new motivational letter.
Hi there! Nice to know you.
Dear @Holt, please excuse me, I'd like to add more feedbacks on this essay.
First of all, I am also Indonesian and applying to this scholarship too this year as well, and I noticed you were using similar word choices and structure to a motivation letter example in the internet which I think was such a misleading. While most scholarship often ask you to be original, not based on other says. Plus, you should not mention that you're having flaws etc, it is unnecessary. The point of the essay was to show why you're the most eligible candidate, while on your last sentence you seem don't have the confidence as the best candidate they'll ever think about.
If you're confused on what to write, please refer to the point mentioned in the application form. It has been very helpful for me to construct my essay :).
If you got confused on the template, you can find one or two references from the awardee and adapt the template with your original words and situations.
You still have some limited times to go, go work on it and good luck for your application! :)
