"Why Mount Holyoke?" Supplement Short Answer (Feedback)

I recently came across a YouTube video about a class in Mount Holyoke about Paper Making. It was the most curious of subjects and I was both fascinated and amused by it. It sounded ridiculously frivolous - something someone would take as a joke or for fun, not for college credit. I could imagine my conservative family members pondering over the practicality of such a class. Why would you need to know how to make paper? And why Japanese paper? How in the world could such a skill be applicable in real life anyway? "Amna! The project is due is tomorrow and we've completely run out of paper! And all the shops have closed down. Only you and your Paper Making abilities can save us now!"

Having grown up in two very conservative cultures, I was thought to believe that anyone who wasn't studying to become a doctor or an engineer was a slacker. You go to college to study Calculus, not to make paper. I have since rejected this ideology and refused to become either a doctor or an engineer, much to my relatives chagrin. I've been outspoken against pigeonholing young children's into pre-professional tracks at such an early age. I believe that the system promotes a linearity of thinking that eventually leads to a sterile intellectual environment devoid of creativity and curiosity. I refuse to be associated with the pre-professional degree factories that my culture encourages us to take part in.

I want college to be an experience. My aim isn't to come out with a degree (although that would be nice as well!). When I graduate, I want to walk out of South Hadley with a better understanding of the world and my place in it. I want to join the crew team, learn Greek, learn how to do the laundry, travel to New York City to watch a Broadway play, try my hand at being a radio host, build a robot and take classes like "Japanese Paper Making" that I could never dream of taking in my country. The Irish Poet W.B Yeats said "Education is not the filling of a pail but the lighting of a fire". I don't want to be filled up, I want my college experience to set me on fire, so I can burn brighter than the brightest star and hotter than a supernova. And right now, Mount Holyoke is holding the lighter.

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Please feel free to rip me to shreds (I'd rather you do it than the admissions officers). English is my second language so please point out any gramatical errors. Is it too cheesy? Do I sound too mean in the first paragraph? The joke about paper making sounds lame right? Should I take it out?

Thanks in advance!

Amna,

I enjoyed reading this, it's an interesting topic and definitely an interesting story. Nothing jumps out at me as far as spelling or grammar, all i can see is in the 2nd paragraph I think "though" was meant to be "taught".

As for your other questions, you don't need to worry about it being cheesy or the joke being lame, as is it's fine. what it really comes down to for me is weather it fits WHY you're writing this. You mention admissions officers, is this being done as part of an application? If so just ask yourself what they are looking for in their students and see if this fits or if it needs to be more professional than casual. As i said I really like it as is, just take a second look and see if it needs to be restructured around what you're trying to achieve with this.

Hope this helps!!!

Thank you so much for your advice. I'll definitely look at it again and 'look at it through the eyes of an admissions officer'. That's a really good tip. I literally wrote this an hour ago so this is a first draft. There isn't a doubt in my mind that what I actually submit will be like, the 21st draft or something. But its really comforting to know that I don't need to start over completely.

Again, thanks so much for your help!!!

Hi Amna!

I enjoyed your points, which are very personal and detailed. And I like the your citation of Yeats' poem, combining your passion for MHC's education.

However, I think besides talking about what MHC can bring to you, try your best to expand how you can contribute to it as well.

Thx again for your comment on mine earlier! Best luck with your application!

Aw... Thank you. The Yeats poem was actually the part I was worried would be too cheesy. But I think I might keep it now. And you made an excellent point about expanding on how I can contribute to MHC. That was actually a part of the original question so I'm glad you reminded me of that.

Thank you!!!