Moved from Thailand to America/ Technology ;"Bump in the road"/ Why UCF?

Hi, I am applying for UCF and the two essays I wrote were 1) What was the "bump in the road" in your life 2) Why did you choose UCF?

1) There are many "bumps in the road" in my life, but the one that impacted me the most was when I first moved to America. I was born in Thailand and moved to America at the age of 4. Leaving my family behind was a tough experience, knowing they will be over 9,000 miles away. Moving to America impacted me a lot. I felt I was alone, even though I had a sister to play with. I could not speak English so I did not see how I would make any friends. I was terrified of moving, as any kid would be. Upon arriving to Orlando International Airport, I was surprised to see the diversity of the people who live here. It wasn't until later that I realized why; they came here to pursue an education.

2) Ever since I was young, I was always intrigued by technology. Technology fascinated me on how it can create new worlds through computer programming. I always wanted to be responsible for creating something that can change people's life. Ever since then I wanted to become a software engineer. I chose UCF because UCF provides many excellent programs for Computer Science majors. Out of the many Universities I have visited, UCF's modern campus captured my attention. I love the environment UCF provides the students and I believe it will fit me well.

Your essay its good, but for #1 you might want to change the intro. They already know what topics you choose , so start with something that its impacting. Also don't only describe the bumps you had, but how you overcome them. I also come from another country when i was little, so believe i know what you went through. Speak about adapting to the new culture. The difficulty in learning a new language and how maybe now you're a good student taking honors classes ( if that's the case), this is just an example. The colleges want to know about the adversities that you have faced, but they want to see how you were able to overcome them. You have a great story !

PLease read my essay!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need feedback : its called "Essay for Harvard admission !!!! please provide input"

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Well.... you say you moved to the US when you were four and you had to leave your family behind. Do you mean that your parents didn't move into the States with you? Were you adopted by somebody? Or you mean that you left behind your extended family? That part is not very clear and you need to clarify.

In my view, moving to America is not the actual bump, but the situations you had to face without the support of the family. I feel you better present it that way.