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Moving from Venezuela to USA - ADMISSION ESSAY

dclugom1998 1 / -  
Feb 1, 2019   #1

english communication in the usa

Whenever I reflect back to my childhood memories in Venezuela, I remember looking up to my dad. My family and I traveled to the United States during the summers when I was younger, and my dad was the one in charge when we were out of the country, since he was the only one who knew how to speak English. I was amazed at how knowledgeable my dad was of the English language, and I wanted to be as intelligent as he was and learn to speak English as well as he did. I have always loved learning about communication and languages. I enjoy watching home videos of me when I was younger, and I always smile to myself. I would create the most ingenious productions, pretending to be a reporter or an interviewer. In one instance, I made my younger sister pretend to be a famous singer while I interviewed her on my talk show. To this day, I still have an innate passion for being a host on a talk show, and having the opportunity to communicate to a wide variety of people from different cultures and backgrounds.

Although I had an ideal childhood full of creativity and imagination, there was a tremendous lack of educational opportunities in Venezuela and I wanted something better for my future. So, I decided to move to Texas to further my education and expand on my desire to learn the English language.

Moving to another country, to another city, and navigating another language that was not my native tongue was very challenging,
but I learned how to get out of my comfort zone and to overcome adversity. My family and self-determination kept me motivated; I knew what I wanted for my future, even if that meant leaving everything I loved in my country. Unfortunately, I did not do very well my first two semesters in college because I was dealing with cultural shock and a language barrier. I cried nearly every day because I did not understand my professors' lectures. However, I gave my all to every single word that I did not comprehend, even if that meant spending all my free time studying. I remained strong, despite the rejections and obstacles that I faced, however; my bravery wavered at times. When I contemplated quitting school and moving back to my country, I could hear my mother's voice crack and weeping when she did not want to hear me say that I was "not enough." She believed that if I was capable of moving to another country where I did not know anyone, I could achieve anything. Being in an unfamiliar country where I had to experience some of the most difficult challenges, made me love people even more, and learned to appreciate the art of communication. Even though I was not an "A" student, I am still proud of my accomplishments.

Today, when I watch television, I imagine and see myself there in the future. As a Communication major, I want to help people communicate more effectively as the resource to teach lessons to anyone who looked at me and rejected me, because the best tool that we have is our freedom to express our feelings.

After living in Texas for two years, I discovered how much my English had improved when I heard my dad speaking English over the winter break. I realized then that my dad did not speak English perfectly after all, and I smiled to myself. For my entire life, I desired to be as accomplished as my dad, but on that day, I realized that I had done exactly that and even more.

I appreciate any comment or suggestion!!!!!

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,107 3258  
Feb 2, 2019   #2
Daniela, since you did not provide the common app prompt that you are responding with this essay, I will unable to review it for content, relevance to the discussion topic, and suggested improvements. I can only review the grammar and give a general observation regarding your content, whether it applies to your essay or not. That's how it works here. If you want a relevant review, you have to give the discussion instructions / prompt for the essay.

So, grammar wise, your essay may be faulted for having a comma with a conjunction. Normally when a person says "... on a talk show, and..." a comma is not placed after the word show because the presentation is a continuing discussion, without additional listing of information. So a comma is not required to separate the discussion presentation.

Additionally, since you have not yet moved to the USA. the proper reference is "... if I can move to another country...I do not know anyone" rather than "... if I was capable of..." since the indication of the latter phrase is a completed action on your part. That of moving to the USA. Since that has yet to happen, the future tense presentation of the phrase is more appropriate.

It is also redundant so say "reflect back". Reflect already indicates the indication of looking back. Therefore, you do not need the word "back" to explain the action being taken in the sentence.

I will have to end my review here. I am not going to comment on the content because I am not sure about how well it applies to the prompt you have chosen to respond to or the instructions you were provided with for the discussion. I do not want to boost your spirits without knowing if you did a proper job in writing the essay. If you want help with the content, you need to remember to supply the instructions for the discussion next time.

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