Music has undeniably been my escape from the realities of life. As soon as the music begins, I am immediately transported to a different setting than my own. The scenery changes as the song does. Some days I'm with Bob Marley, basking in the warm Jamaican sun whilst barefoot in the sand, strumming the guitar and belting out lyrics of redemption and freedom. Other days I'm with Tupac, advocating a march in Harlem pleading for change, justice, and social empowerment. Sometimes, I'm with Beethoven, watching him aggressively bang the keys to "Fur Elise" in an apartment in Germany. Or, with Nas, occupying a corner in Queens Bridge, as he explains why he stays in a "New York State of Mind"; or maybe with Jay-z in Brooklyn, telling stories of paranoia and guilt that accompanied his past drug dealings as he begs, "Can I Live!?" All of these have allowed me to escape my own problems all the while giving me the opportunity to understand and recognize the problems of others. The lyrics, packed with emotion, are complete with stories that are full of description and vivid detail; whether or not I can relate, their stories intrigue me.
MUSIC, My escape; NYU Transfer - What Intrigues You?
I liked how your writing flows so nice and smooth. It would be good if you tell us what the prompt is also.
Now, is there a word limit on this? Cause, if there isn't it would be nice if you can elaborate on this statement: "All of these have allowed me to escape my own problems all the while giving me the opportunity to understand and recognize the problems of others." Adding a specific example would make your statement even more solid than it is now.
I loved the ending part though. Lovely writing!
Now, is there a word limit on this? Cause, if there isn't it would be nice if you can elaborate on this statement: "All of these have allowed me to escape my own problems all the while giving me the opportunity to understand and recognize the problems of others." Adding a specific example would make your statement even more solid than it is now.
I loved the ending part though. Lovely writing!
Here's the prompt: What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.
There is a word limit of 1500 characters. I have about 300 something left so I should be able to add a sentence or two. Oh and thanks for the feedback!
There is a word limit of 1500 characters. I have about 300 something left so I should be able to add a sentence or two. Oh and thanks for the feedback!
You have a wide taste in music from Beethoven to Bob Marley and to Jay-z. You have written this well but You have not really brought forward why you like music this much except in the last few lines. Perhaps you should use the remaining characters and fill that gap up.
All of these have allowed me to escape my own problems all the while giving me the opportunity to understand and recognize the problems of others.
the one bad part which isn't addressed is that sometimes escaping the world really isn't all that cool if you got personal or worldly problems. sometimes it makes you seem sort of like a nihilist dick haha (for the lack of a better word). Not saying you are at all but how about this?
"All of these have granted me escapism, all the while protecting me from nihilism by giving me the opportunity to understand my own problems in perspective of more worldly problems."
I feel this protects your integrity and helps transition to what you have to about those worldly problems which brings me to my next issue...
I zone out and visualize a world of peace and happiness; living in rural areas near the mountains where industries are underdeveloped or nonexistent
This is BS. think about what you are saying. All rural areas near mountains are TRULY at peace & happiness? lol wut. I think this would work..
"I zone out and visualize a world of peace and happiness; living in A rural area which found its own means of escape from the harshness of the industrialized modern world"
here you state that you understand that not all rural areas have found world peace (lol) and you can relate it back to your idea of music as an escape.
*** PLEASE LIKE MY RESPONSE (even if you really don't) SO I CAN GET CREDIT TO DELETE SOMETHING OFF HERE***
I think it's good. as a fan of music, I understand your views, but I think it would be better to fixate on one thing you like and make it big.
Word limits are major problems in these essays.
Word limits are major problems in these essays.
CherryPac18
you did a great job of incorporating peoples suggestions but keeping you own voice.
in the last sentence you write: "When I listen to New World music like that of Enya, occasionally I zone out and visualize a world of peace and happiness. So for me, music promotes imagination and creativity; whether or not I can relate, their stories intrigue me."
Instead of saying 'zone out' which can kind of a negative connotation of someone who doesn't pay attention, maybe try
"occasionally it leads to me tune out the world around me and visualize a place of peace and happiness."
perhaps that is to wordy, but just an idea!
good luck!
you did a great job of incorporating peoples suggestions but keeping you own voice.
in the last sentence you write: "When I listen to New World music like that of Enya, occasionally I zone out and visualize a world of peace and happiness. So for me, music promotes imagination and creativity; whether or not I can relate, their stories intrigue me."
Instead of saying 'zone out' which can kind of a negative connotation of someone who doesn't pay attention, maybe try
"occasionally it leads to me tune out the world around me and visualize a place of peace and happiness."
perhaps that is to wordy, but just an idea!
good luck!
