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toodii2102 6 / 12 3  
Dec 18, 2020   #1
Can you give me some suggestions to make this essay better? Thanks a lot! One more useless thread title = ban

Wellesley 100 - which items most attract, inspire, or energize you and why

- Neuroscience major:

I fall in love with Neuroscience after finding the connection between chemical interactions and the function of neurons in regard to the way of my brain thinking. In Chemistry, I love to think about it in form of a historical timeline, like a journey of chemicals in their "lives". With Neuroscience, the study of the structure and function of neurons appears the same way in my mind. I found a research opportunity in Wellesley offered by Ms. Barbara S. Beltz who passionate about serotonin and adult neurogenesis, which has immediately captivate me by the description "to understand the sequence of events leading to the production of new nerve cells and the regulatory processes that influence these events." I'm naturally attracted to this structural and process-centric thinking. Looking back to the past, in the time of choosing a science subject to apply for competitive high schools, I chose Chemistry because I wanted to attend STEM fields as a girl to prove my ability in front of boys. I used to choose that major in high school because of them, but now I will choose Neuroscience this time for myself.

- Campus-wide brain parties

I love presenting and exchanging ideas because I love telling stories. In each of my presentations, I don't think of each like the delivery of information, I think of each like a story that I'm telling my audiences. A story needs to be related to their lives, contained surprising ideas, and ended meaningfully. When I was telling those stories and excitement and enthusiasm emerged in my voice, I saw that people became fascinated. Sometimes they laughed, cried, proud, or dived into deep reflection. Stories had powerful impacts. At the Tanner Conference where the stories come together, I want to show my own. Not only telling my stories, but I could also see the possibilities of connecting two or more ideas to invent a new solution. I've spent hours and hours roaming through many study fields and life experiences and I'd love to listen to their stories too.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,511 3437  
Dec 20, 2020   #2
Do not keep repeating your college major in your responses. This is starting to become a tiresome topic in your essay responses and will lead the reviewer to understand that you are highly limited in your college interests. That means, you are incapable of focusing outside of your area of interest, which is not going to be good for your image as a potential college student. You have not read the Wellesley 100 tips. If you did, you would have come up with a more creative response to what makes you want to attend Wellesley, aside from your college major. Pick something else. Don't be a one trick pony, as you have proven to be in all of the essays you have written so far.

You are to write 2 complete paragraphs. So do not use bullet points for your response. This presentation must follow a smooth essay discussion, with transition sentences between your two highest points of interest. Choose activities beyond your major. Think about the fun side of college for this response. They need to know that you will fully utilize all of the social and academic opportunities at the university in a collaborative, rather than one focus manner.

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