Hello there. I am new to Essay Forum and have been lurking , reading essays and giving critiques. I have a couple of supplement essays and I would love any form of critique of them. All opinions are welcome, harsh, moderate - I can take criticism. Also grammar help would be greatly appreciated. Here goes, these are my supplements for Lafayette College and Lehigh College respectively.
1. In 1777, at the age of 19, the Marquis de Lafayette left a life of privilege and prestige in France and sailed to America to fight for the American Revolution. His family motto guided his sense of adventure and reflects an attitude that pervades Lafayette College today: "Cur Non?" ("Why not?). Based on this motto, discuss a "Why not?" moment in your personal, academic, or social life. [1250 characters]
Grade ten marked the beginning of a new academic chapter as I was finally able to choose the subjects that I wanted to study. I soon realized that despite my tiny deliberation on the matter, I had chosen erroneously and had suffered the consequences of my rash decision. Subsequently, when it came to choosing subjects in grade twelve, I was profusely tentative. This time, I solicited the opinions of students who had already completed their first year of sixth form and could thoroughly advise me based on their experience. I was told that math is the hardest subject at the CAPE proficiency level and that failure is inevitable. When I heard this I was completely disheartened since maths is my favourite subject and I did not want a repeat of what happened the last time. Not one to shy away from challenges however, I decided to go for it. My risk paid off astronomically, as I am one of the few persons who, without taking extra classes managed to obtain a grade one (distinction) in CAPE Mathematics. Although it was not an effortless conquest, choosing math has been my most gratifying "Cur Non?" academic moment and has instilled in me an even deeper appreciation and love of advanced level mathematics.
2. Why are you interested in Lafayette? [500 characters]
I was instantly enthralled by the description a representative painted about Lafayette. After viewing virtual tours and images of the campus and its superb facilities I was elated that my expectations had been surpassed. Uncertain about my career, the remarkable liberal arts component and wide selection of academic courses and curricular activities appealed greatly to me. Additionally the intimate classroom setting and the authentic student relationships convinced me that Lafayette was for me.
1.What unique aspect of Lehigh most interests you? [1250 characters]
A particular desire of mine has always been to travel around the world to exciting places and to interact with people of different cultural persuasions. I am awfully curious to learn new and refreshing intakes on life as well as the fascinating cultural practices, traditions and languages of the myriads of civilizations that still exist in today's society. However I have always envisioned this project occurring later in my life after I have graduated from college but, as it turns out, it was closer to materializing than I could have ever anticipated. I was beyond ecstatic when I discovered that Lehigh has an annual International Week celebration where for a week I could 'travel' and experience a barrage of cultures during my four year stint at college. Additionally "The Bazaar" is coordinated where international culture and heritage (food, performances and traditional costumes) are displayed for everyone to enjoy. Every part of the campus from the dining halls to various organizations partakes in the festivity. I have garnered a high appreciation for sharing cultures as there is nowhere one can go without encountering diversification and I strongly believe that learning new cultures is a meaningful life experience.
2. In our ever-changing society, people have defined 'equity' and 'community' in many different ways. How do you define these terms and what are the implications of equity and community for our 21st society? [1250 characters]
Equity is the quality of being objective and impartial towards all involved parties in a situation regardless of personal biases. A community is a group of people who interact regularly, share a common culture and reside in a defined geographical area. As the 21st century tends towards capitalization, globalization and telecommunication, society is quick to assimilate, incorporating these practices in their everyday life. Nowadays there is significant importance on connections, 'it's not what you know, but who'. This new tradition of nepotism: favouring someone simply because of your relationship with them and not based off of merit, is exceedingly popular in the corporate world and education systems and, completely contradicts the concept of fair opportunities for everyone. Likewise, the term community has also changed drastically. Technology is used incessantly, lessening face-to-face interaction; communities are no longer based upon physical contact. As a result of the influence of capitalization, globalization and telecommunication, equity and community will soon be antiquated notions where the unfair treatment of certain members in society and face-to-face interaction between members in a community will deteriorate.
I know its a lot, I do not expect one person to criticize everything, but any help will do. Thanks for reading!
1. In 1777, at the age of 19, the Marquis de Lafayette left a life of privilege and prestige in France and sailed to America to fight for the American Revolution. His family motto guided his sense of adventure and reflects an attitude that pervades Lafayette College today: "Cur Non?" ("Why not?). Based on this motto, discuss a "Why not?" moment in your personal, academic, or social life. [1250 characters]
Grade ten marked the beginning of a new academic chapter as I was finally able to choose the subjects that I wanted to study. I soon realized that despite my tiny deliberation on the matter, I had chosen erroneously and had suffered the consequences of my rash decision. Subsequently, when it came to choosing subjects in grade twelve, I was profusely tentative. This time, I solicited the opinions of students who had already completed their first year of sixth form and could thoroughly advise me based on their experience. I was told that math is the hardest subject at the CAPE proficiency level and that failure is inevitable. When I heard this I was completely disheartened since maths is my favourite subject and I did not want a repeat of what happened the last time. Not one to shy away from challenges however, I decided to go for it. My risk paid off astronomically, as I am one of the few persons who, without taking extra classes managed to obtain a grade one (distinction) in CAPE Mathematics. Although it was not an effortless conquest, choosing math has been my most gratifying "Cur Non?" academic moment and has instilled in me an even deeper appreciation and love of advanced level mathematics.
2. Why are you interested in Lafayette? [500 characters]
I was instantly enthralled by the description a representative painted about Lafayette. After viewing virtual tours and images of the campus and its superb facilities I was elated that my expectations had been surpassed. Uncertain about my career, the remarkable liberal arts component and wide selection of academic courses and curricular activities appealed greatly to me. Additionally the intimate classroom setting and the authentic student relationships convinced me that Lafayette was for me.
1.What unique aspect of Lehigh most interests you? [1250 characters]
A particular desire of mine has always been to travel around the world to exciting places and to interact with people of different cultural persuasions. I am awfully curious to learn new and refreshing intakes on life as well as the fascinating cultural practices, traditions and languages of the myriads of civilizations that still exist in today's society. However I have always envisioned this project occurring later in my life after I have graduated from college but, as it turns out, it was closer to materializing than I could have ever anticipated. I was beyond ecstatic when I discovered that Lehigh has an annual International Week celebration where for a week I could 'travel' and experience a barrage of cultures during my four year stint at college. Additionally "The Bazaar" is coordinated where international culture and heritage (food, performances and traditional costumes) are displayed for everyone to enjoy. Every part of the campus from the dining halls to various organizations partakes in the festivity. I have garnered a high appreciation for sharing cultures as there is nowhere one can go without encountering diversification and I strongly believe that learning new cultures is a meaningful life experience.
2. In our ever-changing society, people have defined 'equity' and 'community' in many different ways. How do you define these terms and what are the implications of equity and community for our 21st society? [1250 characters]
Equity is the quality of being objective and impartial towards all involved parties in a situation regardless of personal biases. A community is a group of people who interact regularly, share a common culture and reside in a defined geographical area. As the 21st century tends towards capitalization, globalization and telecommunication, society is quick to assimilate, incorporating these practices in their everyday life. Nowadays there is significant importance on connections, 'it's not what you know, but who'. This new tradition of nepotism: favouring someone simply because of your relationship with them and not based off of merit, is exceedingly popular in the corporate world and education systems and, completely contradicts the concept of fair opportunities for everyone. Likewise, the term community has also changed drastically. Technology is used incessantly, lessening face-to-face interaction; communities are no longer based upon physical contact. As a result of the influence of capitalization, globalization and telecommunication, equity and community will soon be antiquated notions where the unfair treatment of certain members in society and face-to-face interaction between members in a community will deteriorate.
I know its a lot, I do not expect one person to criticize everything, but any help will do. Thanks for reading!