"a new dress code policy" - intellectual experience Brown's admissions essay, topic A

Brown Common App. Supplement - essay topic A

Tell us about an intellectual experience, project, class, or book that has influenced or inspired you.

500 words max

My question is on the wording of the question. Do they mean that the project, class, and book also must be intellectual or is it just referring to the experience?

I have an essay that would fit the topic well that I have already written for another school. Do you think it would fit the topic with a little reformatting even though it focuses on an artistic project rather than an intellectual project?

362 words

"As I entered my freshman year of high school, a new dress code policy was implemented. The school sanctioned attire consisted of "metro blue" and "ice gray" shirts both with unadorned clip art of a fleur-de-lis in the center. I attributed the unimaginative shirts to a monotonous atmosphere around campus. However, as team captain of the Kayaking and Paddling teams, I designed team shirts that were permitted as dress code. Not surprisingly, I came to find out that my teammates were excited about the aesthetically pleasing shirts and I rapidly sold-out. The profit from the shirts helped raise team funds. The shirts also gave us a sense of team unity as the athletes eagerly sported them around campus.

Someone must have noticed my two-toned illustrations because later in the school year I was asked to become the school's shirt designer. Since then, I have been provided with Adobe Photoshop and a small payment for each design. After a few shirts, I was introduced to Dave who works for the company that prints the shirts. Through working with Dave, I have been able to learn not just the creative side of his company, but also selling and manufacturing aspects. While working on commission, I have learned to be flexible, vocal and focus on the school's concerns, requests and needs. However, I think the greatest lesson this experience has taught me is that I am the artist; I have the final say on my work.

My shirts have been in production for a while now and I'm glad to say that they have transformed the look and environment of my school. It's surreal to walk around campus and witness my art on these shirts. There are walking canvases everywhere I look. I'm proud to give back to a school that has given me such a valuable education. As my senior class lines up for a picture, outfitted in my class shirt design, I realize this is my legacy. Long after I graduate and move on into a new world of my own, my art and introduction of student designed apparel is going to leave a lasting impression on this place I call my high school."

What do you think?

This is a unique story, not many people can say that they have had the same experience. You do a nice job of providing the necessary background information needed to understand your story. Your vocabulary is excellent! There are a few things that could be tweaked, but mostly a strong essay.

One that that stuck out to me was this part:


It's a little awkward, it might sound better turned if you said:
The profit from the shirts helped raise team funds; and the athletes eagerly sporting them around campus created a sense of team unity.

Please return the favor and check out my essay! (even though it's nowhere near as good as your's haha)

I think 'intellectual experience' is another part of the list, and the 'intellectual' doesn't modify the project. Especially if you want to do something art-related, then it's difficult to manufacture an intellectual project, etc.

I think your essay is strong, but you might want to avoid art if you've talked about it on other parts of your application, which is likely. I think you should explicitely mention your interest and how this affected it, like an aspiration statement, to better answer the question.

Hope I helped!

thanks a bunch