"A new perspective on the music" - Rough Draft of Brown Supplement Essay

Prompt: Tell us about an intellectual experience, project, class, or book that has influenced or inspired you.
Max Word Count: 500
My Word Count: 423

Rough draft of the essay. Any corrections, opinions, and/or criticism is greatly appreciated. I have A little room to expand if anyone thinks I should add something. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to comment!

With my shirt glued to my skin and sweat beginning to pool at the tip of my nose, I drove to school in my "new" car. Cruising down the street in my 1998 firebird, complete with busted A/C and two blown out speakers, I wished for the money to at least replace the speakers. That thought was soon replaced as a heatstroke-induced funeral soon became a concern. Sitting in a black car during a Texas summer, I became increasingly aware of the car's ability to only blow hot air from its vents. I had little attachment to my method of transportation, but I had a job and hope as I saved up for car repairs.

However much uncomfortable driving may have been, I still needed to get to school. That day, a lesson on exponential functions and a math teacher with a love for real world applications soon brought my attention to the fact that, on average, a person does not start investing until their mid-30's. Curious, I went home and started plugging numbers into my calculator and found that a few extra years of investing made a huge difference. I began pondering how I should approach my own investments when I realized I was using the years an adult had left to save for my equation. After a few swift key strokes, a starting age of 18 had been entered into my equations. A sense of satisfaction grew. I had just discovered the Holy Grail of investing, time.

I wanted the ability to take the jobs and opportunities I found in life without the concern of money - time and patience could give me that opportunity. I wanted to start investing. To enjoy the simple things in life with secure finances was my ultimate goal as I began scraping together the capital I needed for my venture. After long nights of research after my homework, I invested in a few companies and began checking my account daily. It was exciting to watch the ups and the benefit of having time to recover any losses was comforting during the downs.

At first, I was disappointed that I would be stuck with a ragged stereo and busted A/C after dipping into my repairs fund, but I became happy with the car I had, even if a couple of speakers were blown out. Knowing I would have money and a secure future was inspiring. I cracked the windows and cranked up the volume and to ears from a new perspective the music never sounded so good.

I like it. The only suggestions I have were for the wording- some sounded a little awkward.

With my shirt glued to my skin and sweat beginning to pool at the tip of my nose, I drove to school in my "new" car. As I cruised down the street in my 1998 firebird, complete with busted A/C, I desperately wished for enough money to at least replace the two blown out speakers . That thought was soon replaced as a heatstroke-induced funeral soon became a concern. As I sat in my black car during a Texas summer, I became increasingly aware of the its ability to only blow hot air from its vents. I had little attachment to my method of transportation, but I had a job and hope as I saved up for car repairs.

However much uncomfortable driving may have been, I still needed to get to school. That day, a lesson on exponential functions and a math teacher with a love for real world applications soon brought to my attention the fact that, on average, a person does not start investing until their mid-30's. Curious, I went home and started plugging numbers into my calculator and found that a few extra years of investing made a huge difference. I began pondering how I should approach my own investments when I realized I was using the years an adult had left to save for my equation. After a few swift key strokes, I entered a starting age of eighteen to the equation . A sense of satisfaction grew. I had just discovered the Holy Grail of investing, time.

I wanted the ability to take the jobs and opportunities I found in life without the concern of money - time and patience could give me that opportunity. I wanted to start investing. To enjoy the simple things in life with secure finances was my ultimate goal as I began scraping together the capital I needed for my venture. After long nights of research after my homework , I invested in a few companies and began checking my account daily. It was exciting to watch the ups, and the benefit of having time to recover any losses was comforting during the downs.

At first, I was disappointed that I would be stuck with a ragged stereo and busted A/C after dipping into my repairs fund, but I became happy with the car I had, even if a couple of speakers were blown out. Knowing I would have money and a secure future was inspiring. I cracked the windows and cranked up the volume. From my new perspective, the music never sounded so good.

If you have time, could you please review my Duke essay? Thanks.

The relationship between your car and investing seems very disjointed. If I were you, I would make the relationship clearer and flowing.