The new world fascinates me up to this day; Summer program

Hey! I am writing an essay for a summer program, however I got stuck with it. I do not know how to continue.

Question is: Let us know about yourself; explain why you are interested in attending our summer programs.

I would like to add that I would love become an engineer which would let me keep the technology advancing as well as I want to make peoples' lives easier. However in order to be such a person I need to go to a college. Besides those two things I would like to add that the summer program would give me an opportunity to see how college is like because I am certain that I want to go to college when I am older, as well as it would help me become less anxious and more open to going to college and be a step towards me leaping for my dreams.

Here is what I got

Ever since I was a little kid I was intrigued by math, science and technology. I have had a tendency towards exploring the unknown passed to me from my grandpa. He would always show me new things and encourage me to discover the world by myself.

Because of his and my family's support I decided to move out from Poland to New York. New York is a huge city with much more opportunities, and much more advanced than Poland. It was a big part of my life. I had to leave my friends, family, memories and move into a new world for me yet to be discovered.

The new world fascinates me up to this day. The most intriguing thing is the subway system. It is very complex yet it seems to be so simple. Basically the entire life here in New York is based on technology and its advances.

I do not want you to write it for me, but give me an idea on how I could continue, and if possible correct mistakes. Thanks in advance!

there are less grammatical error.

I dream of becoming an engineer because that profession would keep me updated with advancing technology as well as letting me make others' lives easier.


...This line is too long and confusing too. How is this program helping you to go to a good college? You better elaborate on that!

What are these two parts? I mean you have two headings; That's confusing me :(

hi please help me . i have no idea about that essay furm system , here my problem is i want to write new essay and i dont know how its goes or from where i start it. this is my second essay and i did my self to find new threads . but its hard to find and i have not idea and i wrote my essay under my old essay subject.

pleas help me
thank you for your time ,
norza

:)
Well, you can post your essays here for comments and at the same time you need to provide useful feed backs to others' essays too. These feed backs need to be meaningful and should not sound like "it's a good essay" , " good writing" etc. You don't have to be really very proficient in English, yet you can give others your ideas on their writing. When you have couple of such posts, then you'll be allowed to start a new thread with your new essay. That's how it goes.

Also you cannot have the same essay topic title again. When you open a new thread it should carry a different, again meaningful, title and also it should contain a new essay.

Hope this helps :)