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New York bustles with millions of lives, each contributing to the city's own little universe



kevpang 1 / 1  
Dec 17, 2014   #1
NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU? (200-400 words)
(I am applying to NYU Stern)

A city like New York bustles with millions of lives, each contributing to the city's own little universe. Each school of study is like its own world, all of which is embedded within the realm that is NYU. Yet, what allows these individual little "worlds" to function as a single university like no other? Why can people with different academic pursuits and backgrounds stay so connected within NYU? The truth is that we are all bound by the same desire to make an impact in the world. In my eyes, NYU is a community where people from various backgrounds ultimately work together to demonstrate human excellence, despite their individual pursuits. Through my experiences, meaningful results do not simply come about by each person doing a separate part of a large project. To get an outcome that makes a significant impact, there needs to be a "coordinator" to coalesce the individual parts and interpret the final product. For instance, during my time at Rowan University, I helped performed multiple chemical experiments for a particular study. Although I diligently acquired results, they would've been meaningless without the interpretation of my supervising professor, who coordinated the series of experiments. Seeing how cooperation yielded important results, I aimed to generate an atmosphere of teamwork and enthusiasm wherever I studied. In my first meeting with the Ethics Team, we lacked basic coordination. My team suffered from incoherence and disorganization. That was when I combined our individual abilities, so we may deliver a winning presentation as a cooperative team. There are a great number of programs in NYU that require no less than the most diligent, enthusiastic, and cooperative people. In a world that becomes more and more intertwined with the aid of globalization, communicative and collaborative qualities have never been so important. I offer these traits willingly, so NYU and the world alike, can achieve a more prosperous and connected society. (316 words)

I really, really appreciate any criticism! My essay writing skills are rather rusty, and I could use alot of improvement!

martin16 2 / 4  
Dec 18, 2014   #2
Firstly, I would like to say that is a very good essay. The one aspect I'm not too sure about is that the prompt also asks "What can NYU offer you." You go into a lot of detail including an amazing anecdote for what you can offer NYU but there seems to be something lacking on the other side of the scale.

PS. I really love your introduction.
admission2012 - / 475  
Dec 18, 2014   #3
Hello,

When a reader from the ADCOM reads an essay response like this one, they are looking for certain "key" statements. Mainly they want to see that you have a good understanding about the resources at NYU and how you can best utilize them. General blanket statements like "NYU is an amazing school," do not help the adcom members see that you really have done your homework. This essay is way too vague and needs to be more specific if it is to be effective. All of my NYU early decision clients this year were admitted proving that this strategy does work. -Admissions Advice Online
maria96 2 / 4  
Dec 20, 2014   #4
I think you should be more specific in the programs you are interesting in. tell hem what is so special that makes you want to go there.
Sakifarhan 2 / 2  
Dec 21, 2014   #5
Hi. First of all, I would like to say that I thought your essay is great and has a lot of potential, but there is an area that is missing. I think you need to work on the "what can NYU offer you" part. Make sure to make that clear.

I am also applying to NYU. Best of luck :)
acrogirl5 1 / 7  
Dec 21, 2014   #6
It's very good, I would just give a little more about what you can offer NYU. Telling stories is great, but all I got out of yours was that you're cooperative. That's one quality out of the many I'm sure you have, and you should expand on the diligence and enthusiasm you also mention.

Hope this helped!


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