Unanswered [3]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 6


Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something. The issue of my concern.



LillieFlorez 2 / 3  
Sep 18, 2010   #1
Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
250 words
um essay

Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something.

For the past eight months, I have dedicated my spare time in providing assistance to an organization called Life Impact. Life Impact sends out supplies for the millions of people affected by the earthquake in Haiti. I have discovered that just an hour of service can help hundreds to thousands of unaided people receive food, health care, and daily supplies needed to survive life in an area devastated by a horrifying disaster.

My father was in Haiti at the time of the earthquake and it was devastating not knowing where he was or if he was even alive. For three days my family and I were concerned about his condition and location. On the fourth day, we received a call from a family member in Haiti that he was alive and being escorted to a plane that was sending U.S. citizens back to America. From that day and on my family and I have put our concern on providing for the Haitian people. Things we take for granted here can be highly valuable to someone with not even clothes to wear. We've learned that just a little gesture of generosity and love can go a long way.

mea505 - / 265  
Sep 18, 2010   #2
JBB,

Wow -- in Haiti! I would not have known how to react, should I have been placed in a similar situation as you were in. Those three days must have been horrible!

I didn't find a lot wrong with your heart-felt essay. There were just a few things that you might want to tone up -- otherwise, this is a good essay, and it addresses the prompt.

Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something.

For the past eight months, I have dedicated my spare time in providing assistance to an organization called Life Impact. Life Impact sends out supplies for the millions of people affected by the earthquake in Haiti. I have discovered that just an hour of service can help hundreds to thousands of unaided people receive food, health care, and daily supplies needed to survive life in an area devastated by a horrifying disaster.

My father was in Haiti at the time of the earthquake and it was devastating not knowing where he was or if he was even alive. For three days my family and I were concerned about his condition and location. On the fourth day, we received a call from a family member in Haiti telling us that he was alive and being escorted to a plane that was sending U.S. citizens back to America. From that day and on onwards my family and I have put our concerns on providing for the Haitian people. Things we take for granted here can be highly valuable to someone with not even clothes to wear. We've learned that just a little gesture of generosity and love can go a long way.
OP LillieFlorez 2 / 3  
Sep 18, 2010   #3
thanks for the help i really appreciate it
HamzaKP 1 / 3  
Sep 18, 2010   #4
"Things we take for granted here can be highly valuable to someone with not even clothes to wear."

This sentence could use work. I suggest this:

Things we take for granted here can be highly valuable to someone withoutnot even clothes to wear."

or maybe "with no clothes to wear."

just my opinion
EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Sep 20, 2010   #5
Look for ways to say what needs to be said in fewer words:
I have dedicated part of my spare time in providing assistance to an organization called Life Impact.

Where did you get this phrase? Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something. I like that, and I've never heard it before...

Hey, I also like that last sentence a lot. That is a strong, steady sentence.
OP LillieFlorez 2 / 3  
Sep 25, 2010   #6
Thanks for the help...
And im not sure where the quote originated


Home / Undergraduate / Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something. The issue of my concern.
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳