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"Northwestern stood out of hundreds" - Why Northwestern essay!



Tadpole 2 / 5  
Dec 27, 2010   #1
Hey Guys! I really need help! This is the first time I am writing such an essay so i need honest criticism.

What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

Northwestern was one university that stood out of hundreds. I was amazed by its curriculum and its wonderful campus.
The first thing that attracted me to the university was its strong engineering department. I have taken a great interest in math for as long as I can remember and physics always excited me in High School. I searched for universities that could provide me with opportunities to explore these subject areas and Northwestern can do so. I believe Northwestern can provide a great platform for me to reach my full potential.

I decided to apply for programs that mix both Math and Physics and I landed on engineering. I take greatest interest in the Department of Civil and Mechanical Engineering which I was delighted to learn allows undergraduate students to participate in research. I am also very interested in The Walter P. Murphy Cooperative Engineering Education Program that allows students to gain real world experience whilst studying at the university. I would take advantage of such an opportunity to gain further insight into what engineering is like after graduation.

I believe that the campus is an important factor in choosing a university and Northwestern has a spectacular campus. As I did not have the funds to visit the university I had to rely on pictures over the internet. With a striking position right next to the Michigan Lake I was taken aback by the campuses great beauty. Having lived a great deal of my life in Karachi, a city next to the sea, I would love to continue living in a place where even a lake is just a walk away. Its location near the city of Chicago also provides students the chance to experience the exciting city life mixed with the more composed campus life.

Northwestern University has a dynamic and diverse student body. I being an international student wish to contribute to the multicultural environment of the university. I am very excited to have the opportunity to interact with students from all over the world bringing their own cultures to form a unique atmosphere. I believe that a collection of different cultures is of great value in a learning experience. It will help make me more aware of the global situation and help broaden my global perspective.

The array of extracurricular activities at Northwestern amazes me. I learnt that Northwestern cares for the interests of all its students and has made it very easy to join and set up clubs and societies. I take great interest in taking part in society competitions such as math quizzes and science fares in school. I am very excited to pursue my interest in these activities on a university level and hopefully help the clubs reach new heights. I have also noticed the great interest the University takes in sports. This is apparent after Northwestern recently received the American Football Coaches Association's Academic Achievement Award once again. I wish to exploit the opportunities given by the University to my full advantage and attempt to take part in sport activities such as soccer along with academics.

With its wonderful academic programs along with the abundant extracurricular activities, I believe Northwestern can provide me with the exact opportunities I need to explore my interests and fulfill my potential. My time at this beautiful university will, I am sure, be unforgettable.

issallme5 2 / 35  
Dec 27, 2010   #2
I like your essay :)
but i think your essay needs better flow. especially the second paragraph to third paragraph is a bit jerky as with other paragraphs. Maybe you could provide better transition.

And there were some awkward phrases here and there. For example, phrases like "exact opportunities?" or "I being an international student" is a bit awkward.

It looks like you did a lot of research and that's a big plus :)
but i think you could connect the unique qualities to you more personally (maybe).

Overall, i think this would be a great essay with some fixes.

Could you read mine?? i'm going to post it soon
notexactly - / 2  
Dec 28, 2010   #3
I've stayed up way too late writing so I'm too tired to meaningfully critique the overall flow/style, and I know almost nothing about Northwestern. However, I can make a few grammar corrections:

- "I take greatest interest in the Department of Civil and Mechanical Engineering which I was delighted to learn allows undergraduate students to participate in research." Maybe this would be better as two sentences: "...Department of Civil and Mechanical Engineering. I was delighted to learn that it allows..."

- "With a striking position right next to Lake Michigan I was taken aback by the campus's great beauty."
- "I being an international student..." could be changed to: "As an international student, I..."
- "...students from all over the world, who bring their own cultures..."
- "...science fairs ..."
- "I wish to ... attempt to take part in sport activities" Consider removing the word attempt. Saying you want to take part is stronger than saying you want to attempt to take part. Be optimistic!
clamchowder 1 / 9  
Dec 28, 2010   #4
I am amazed by its curriculum and its wonderful campus.

As an international student wish to contribute to the multicultural environment of the university.


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