"nothing more than to be a Reedie" - Why Reed College supplemental

Critiques, please! Be as harsh as you like~
And the prompt is...Why Reed?
How did you first become interested in Reed, and why do you think Reed would be an appropriate place, both academically and socially, to continue your education? This essay is instrumental in helping the admission committee determine the match between you and Reed, so please be thorough.

Do you think I addressed the prompt thoroughly enough? I feel...eh about this essay around the ending. Anything I should speak to that I didn't do enough of here already (Should I have talked more about myself)? I also made a more than a few references to Reed-specific things...was that a good idea? Things to think about...Here it is now!

Why not Reed?

To me, Reed embodies the idea of something new, something unique, something out of the ordinary.

I believe it all started with a seemingly innocuous campus visit one fine spring day. As our good-natured tour leader pointed out to us the various sights and sounds Reed had to offer, from the Canyon, to the shelves that harbored vast multitudes of past Senior theses, to the nuclear reactor, and to the passing students singing the praises of being a Reedie, I was, to say the least, intrigued. As he described a smattering of Reed traditions, such as Renn Fayre, Doyle the owl, and a play put on by freshmen based loosely on the Humanities 110 curriculum, that was it: I was captivated.

From that visit, I drew two conclusions; firstly, I felt that the spirit in Reed was different - in a good way, of course - that Reed was a place where ideas and academics were prized. However, I understood that beyond that, another creative spirit was all but suppressed. Thus, it was a spirit that sought knowledge, but also looked to find the fun in the search. Enthusiastically academic, but never pedantic, this is how I see Reed, and this is what I love about Reed.

In Psychology class, we would say that Reedies are intrinsically motivated, driven by an interest in acquiring knowledge. To choose the liberal arts education that Reed offers, I believe this must be true. It struck me that at Reed especially, the tenet that education should be broad was more than a simple notion, it was a creed (especially after learning of Paideia). This is what I'm after. That wealth of knowledge that awaits, broad, expansive, and diverse, draws me to Reed. Sciences, humanities, foreign languages, math and more - all so worthy of attention. There is nothing I love as much as such diversity. As of right now, I'm uncertain as to what I want to do besides absorb as much information until my head bursts at the seams. But, by a liberal arts education, I'll have the opportunity to explore my curiosities, find a calling, and become a balanced individual in the process.

Oh, and another thing - I love a challenge. With the academic rigor on one hand, and the plethora of opportunities available in the form of clubs and otherwise on the other, I'll be hard pressed to find time in the day. Nevertheless, I accept your challenge!

I would love nothing more than to be a Reedie. The vibe I get when I'm at Reed is one that has my intuition telling me, "here! Pay attention! You can learn more than you already thought you could if you keep your eyes and ears open!" If my gut has anything to say about it, Reed is the place for me.

Well, I think this is a great essay! well written, with good vocab.

I think you should also talk about one reed program that particularly impresses you. Your enthusiasm and passion are clear but I feel some of your points are a little general. Find one unique program that you know is intrinsic to reed and connect it to your personality.

once again, well done I think you are 99% there.

As someone who recently got accepted to Reed under ED I, I hope I can lend some expertise.

First of all, I think you're trying to hard to use big words that sound a little awkward in some cases. It sounds like you looked at a thesaurus for almost every word choice. Although it is okay to use words like "intrinsic", the way you used "innocuous" looks like you're showing off (and doesn't make a lot of sense).

I feel like the sentence "As our good-natured tour leader pointed out... I was, to say the least, intrigued," is a tad clumsy. The way you listed things using "to the..." sounds a little strange. It's also kind of anticlimactic that you say "intrigued", which to me sounds like "slightly amused". Also take out the "that was it:" before "I was captivated."

Don't use "firstly" (I would use "first") if you're not going to list anything else. You never say "secondly" or "second", so the "firstly" really stands out and sounds bizarre. I also wouldn't say "all but suppressed." Use a positive term instead of a negative one.

I'm going to rewrite this sentence and put it in my terms:
"It was a spirit that sought knowledge, but also looked to find fun in the search. Enthusiastically academic, but never pedantic: this is how I see Reed, and what I love about Reed."

Change "There is nothing I love as much as such diversity." to "There is nothing I love so much as diversity."

The whole "I love a challenge" paragraph comes off a little cheesy and tacked-on to me. It would be more apt to go in the paragraph before, but just mention how you like a challenge or challenging academics amongst the other things you list. Maybe share an experience that you had where you were academically challenged and how it was important.

Take out "is one" in the sentence about Reed vibes.

The ending, in general, is a little weak, and sudden. I can't say as to how I would improve it, but I would definitely do something about it (as you seem unsatisfied as well).

Something to remember is that Reed really likes quirky (I hate that word), unique people who don't take themselves too seriously. If you feel like you have a unique personality, show it in the essay; it will be well received. If you're funny, be funny, you know? In my essay, I made a lot of jokes at my expense: about how I never get invited to parties, how I'm sexually perverse etc. These sound weird when written like that, but they were successful in the essay.

Another thing I would mention is that Reed has a lot more to offer than academics. You hit on it a little bit, but Reed has a very well culminated community. Maybe research that and write what you like about it.

I hope you don't see me as being too harsh or something, I'm only trying to help out a fellow prospie. Good luck! <---(avoid exclamation points in your essay)