"my obstacle was acne" UCF Essay

1. If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.

2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

Here I was an acne clad young black girl in a school full of white people. I had never seen that many white people in one place and I assumed they would think I was just another black girl from the ghetto. After I got over the whole acne issue, my number one concern was to prove them wrong of any negative assumptions they made about me.

From the age of ten to the age of fifteen my obstacle was acne. It may sound a bit vain but this was more than a cosmetic issue. Everyday I struggled to get out of bed and face the harsh stares that would come my way. I felt crippled by it, and in a sense, I was. It determined my actions and the way I felt on a particular day. As a result, I became withdrawn and avoided activities with my friends. When I entered high school, it only got worse. The stress of more people staring at me was causing my acne to flair up even more than usual. My friends already loved me and looked past my acne, but I constantly worried about what others thought of me which caused me to withdraw even more. All I wanted to do after school was go home and do my homework and this was my daily routine for about two months.

Then, a friend's idea changed the course of my high school career. In late September tryouts for the girl's basketball team had started. I was not into trying out at first but after persuasion from my friends, I decided to give it a try. The week of tryouts was tough, but I was having fun with my friends, and my coach saw potential in me. In the weeks that followed, my confidence grew, and so did the amount of friends I had. I was not given perfect skin, but I was given great friends who truly cared about me. Now I realize that my acne was a gift. It humbled me and made me a better person. Later in my freshman year I found out that I was in the top ten of my class. I was very proud of myself and felt like I had shown them I am not some dumb kid from the ghetto.

The next year ironically most of my friends were Caucasian. My new friends accepted me just as I was, like my old friends did. I had been worried for no reason, and if anyone had been racist, it was me. I had a wall up and I did not even give the "evil white people" a chance. I felt ashamed that I had been so ignorant.

Word limit: 500, Word count: 451

Bravo for writing about what must have been years filled with shame.

"Acne clad" is not quite right, though. "Clad" is used only for things that one wears, such as a coat or a dress.

As tal mentioned, the racial frame you use for the story doesn't really work. For you, the racial worries and the concern about your acne must have been bound up together, but the way they are currently presented in the essay makes them seem like separate issues, and so the essay seems to bounce back and forth between two topics. You probably could revise your essay so that the two issues were more tightly interwoven, though, if you wanted to. They both have to do with judging people based on appearances, after all.

Firstly, your introduction is attention-grabbing, but only because it suggests an air of racial insensitivity on your part, which is NOT a good thing. Your writing in many parts is not clear.

For example..


^Was your acne that bad that even the people within your household stared at you?
Even the people on the street as you walked/were dropped off to/at school? Given the context, your schoolmates would seem the most plausible. However, I had to reason here due to the lack of clarity in this sentence alone.


^If the acne was a gift as you say, then why, why, would you choose to discuss it as an obstacle that you faced? Obstacles are not gifts.

^I think that things can be gifts and curses. The fact that she specifies "Now I realize that my acne was a gift" indicates she had once thought of her acne as a curse, but now accept it as a gift. An obstacle... that became a platform off which she claims she learned humility.

That said, I don't see in this essay an explanation of how your acne humbled you. You weren't elitist in the first place. Maybe you're trying to say that your acne ended up making you realize that people weren't "evil white racists" after all, and that you shouldn't have prejudged them on that fact. If so, that needs to be made clearer. You shouldn't end saying you feel ashamed that you were ignorant. I don't think that acne and racism can really be bundled together like this.

Oh, and this essay ends on a pretty depressing note. I wouldn't conclude by saying how ashamed you were of yourself.

You have to focus on writing it in a way that would not offend anyone. Some people are from the ghetto and are proud of it. And I didn't get what changed your opinion about acne. I thought it was sudden, no "story" that changed how you saw it, no successful person u met that had worse problems in their appearances that didn't affect their social life, no conversations with your friends who had more acne and thought you were lucky, no campaigns with the title: "I have acne and I'm proud", or a book you read about judging people based on their inside. We want a real story. Gaining confidence isn't usually an easy process. You should show that and show how you gained it again. Give an example or a scene that would show contrast between your attitude before and after..

Anyways that's what I can think of.. Good Luck!!

^That is true.


^I would understand if that concept was used for any other essay. This essay prompt however is asking for a bump that affected her personal life. It is more than safe to assume that the essay prompt is asking if there have been any unusual circumstances that have affected the applicant in any way, academically, mentally, physically etc.. so that the Admissions Committee can understand if something had affected the applicant previously.

The essay prompt is asking for an obstacle. Therefore, any writer should discuss the obstacle and why and how it was an obstacle that affected them. To gloss the obstacle over, half way through the essay, with a 'sudden new positive perspective' is, in my opinion, completely wrong in this case, considering what the essay prompt is asking for.


^Mayada, I have no idea what you mean by any of this.
I also fail to see how any of it is even relevant.


^It is possible for people on this site to identify this as a real story. Therefore, speaking for the whole Essayforum community, may not be appropriate. Also, representing all of us is misleading as you are voicing everyone's collective opinion, instead of just your own. This can cause the reader to think that it is a general consensus, rather than just your own individual opinion. That can lead to demotivation. I thought you were against that...

Anyways, it should be su7oor soon in Saudi.

Edit: I am drinking water now

Thanks so much. I really appreciate it:)

Very good essay! However it is a little repetitive in the beginning about how you have acne. Just try to sum that up a bit more. Also I like how at the end you show how having acne has changed you, but I think you should use more descriptive or colorful words to really bring your essay out. Other than that great job! :)

Right, and at the most basic level, they are both about being judged by one's skin. Simply stating this will make the essay feel more coherent.

^Very very clever.
I did not think of that. However, 'judged by one's skin' is a pun and if used cleverly, (Whether in the title or in the conclusion) can make your essay have an interesting ring to it.

The writer didn't elaborate on how he changed and gained confidence back..


My bad.. I get excited sometimes when writing stuff