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Obstacles or 'bumps in the road in your academic or personal life



fernaj13 4 / 9  
Oct 14, 2008   #1
1- if there has been some obstacles or "bump in the road" in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.

Please , i need some advices about what is wrong with my essay, grammar,structure, etc. what needs to be corrected? thanks

There are obstacles in my academic, and personal life that make it hard for me to be a successful person. I have to fight with my own insecurities. I have to overcome issues with my health. I have to confront social discrimination. But, life goes on, and those 'bumps' are just part of life. I'm still learning how to deal with them as I get more mature. I know what I have to do, when, and how. I guess is call "building self-confidence".

To fight my own insecurities is the hardest test in life. I constantly change my mind about what is the right thing to do, or what is the best decision to make, or when is the right time to do it. To quit my current job is one of those hard decisions that I have to consider every day. I'm not sure if will be able to find a better job in today's day. The rate of unemployment is so high, and the economical crisis don't help at all. Buying a house was another hard decision I had to made a couple of years ago, because I was afraid of not being able to keep up with the mortgage. Unfortunately, I'm loosing my house but not because I made the wrong decision, but because of the economical crisis going on. I get some relief about it.

To Improve my health is another challenge in my life. In the last year or so my health has gone really bad. I've been diagnosed with migraines, hypertension, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, chronic sinus, anxiety, and allergies to all type of weeds and dust. I'm working hard to improve my quality of life. I had to drastically change my eating habits. I had to quit drinking and smoking cigars too. In addition, I must take a cocktail of pills every morning to get cure. I accept that to go back to school won't be either an easy task for me, specially with the migraines I get every day. Headaches make it hard for me to concentrate and to study. But, I keep a positive attitude and I'm confident that against all odds I will get better.

Social discrimination it's an issue that I face as an immigrant everyday. Every where I go I have to deal with people over looking at me and my family when we choose to speak Spanish in public places. I also must recognize that to be bilingual gives me the chance to find more job opportunities, however , to speak with certain accent in this country is yet not acceptable by other Americans. For example, I work in a call center and I've noticed that some customer won't talk to me when they notice my accent, or when they hear my last name. Some customers are even more aggressive and hang up to call back hoping to speak the next time with someone else. It doesn't bother me anymore.

Finally I got to the conclusion that obstacles in life are there just to make you the best in what you do. After all the final decision to be successful is within oneself.

EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Oct 14, 2008   #2
Good evening.

A couple of things.

First, when you're using quotation marks, make sure your punctuation is enclosed in them.
Second, avoid contractions in formal academic writing; they are inappropriate, and many instructors will count off for their use.
Third, make sure you are not capitalizing words that are not either proper nouns or the first words of sentences.
Fourth, since this essay is written in past tense, make sure you are adding "ed" to the endings of your verbs and such. For instance, "...every morning to get cure" should be "...every morning to get cured."

In regards to content, your essay answers the prompt nicely; you have good reasons and detailed examples to support them. Your conclusion is especially nice; it ties your piece up easily. Nice work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP fernaj13 4 / 9  
Oct 14, 2008   #3
Could you give an example of any contraction that i'm using in my essay?
Thanks
EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Oct 17, 2008   #4
Sure!

"...and I'm confident that..."

"...economical crisis don't help..."

"...center and I've noticed..."

I hope this helps.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


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