became a top played in my music library
became (one of?) the most played in my music library
The combination of the unique pairing of a violin and their pop-punk sound, along with their positive, relatable lyrics captivated my ears
The combination of their pop-punk style with their unique use of violin, as well as their positive and relatable lyrics,(not sure if this needs a comma)
captivated my ears
And that warm summer evening of June 2012, on the beach of Ventura, California has become one of my proudest memories.
That warm June evening on the beach of Ventura, California has become one of my proudest(fondest)(edit: after reading your essay, I see why its your proudest, but it still seems like an odd adjective to use at the beginning)
memories.(create a better transition by adding something like "it was the way that I got there that added to the greatness," or something like that (in your own word style))
Had to google this (and I take French ahah)... If you think it's common enough that the adcom will appreciate it, go for it.
d'ĂŞtre, graphic design
maybe ĂŞtre: graphic design.
through my dedication and hard work, I keep on keeping on
That one shirt everyone has, that's been worn a thousand times, no matter how many holes or washes it's had.
This is kind of mixed up and confusing
This is so
cool!! Very unique! Couldn't help but look your designs up, they're very good!
Maybe mention that you have a graphic design business, it makes it more understandable that Yellowcard management would email you, not just like they emailed a random fan to draw up something they thought was good! You're a pro, flaunt it!