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Ohe Efe Bo; UW-Milwaukee Admission Essay; Life experience/ talent/commitment/ interest



NogaFaithh 1 / -  
Dec 17, 2013   #1
**Please tell us about the particular life experiences, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus that will enrich our community.**

Ohe Efe Bo

"You always seem to bounce back just when I thought ohe efe bo." These words have been repeated in my head time and time again ever since my mother first said it to me. I don't think she realized how much she affected me by saying this. Ohe efe bo is a phrase in Ga, one of the many languages spoken in my native country, Ghana. Translated it means something along the lines of "You've hit the wall". Describing someone who has suffered to the point that they can't recover. But the two words she spoke that stood out the most to me were "bounce back".

In my life I have been faced with many brick walls; one by one I've managed to climb over. And although sometimes there are individual bricks that seem to be out of my reach, I've always been able to stretch and pull myself over, one wall at a time. Each wall making me stronger and more able to face the next.

I have climbed the wall of guilt. I have climbed the wall of self-consciousness. I have climbed the wall of temptation, anger, betrayal and many more of various heights and difficulties. All on the path to self actualization. However, in facing these adversities, I was unable to look towards the future. I was focused on the past rather than wondering about what I would have to face ahead. So many unanswered questions about why I had to even climb the walls to begin with. Why were they even set on my path? But I have learned now that it's not a matter of why they were put in my path, but what they do to build and prepare me for my final destination.

The wall I must face in this portion of my life is by far the most important wall I will ever have to face. It will be the wall that determines the rest of my life. I can choose one of many options in handling this wall; however, I have chosen to conquer this wall, in all it's complexity and extensiveness. It is the wall of self discipline.

I have put this one on the back burner for some time now, climbing it only to climb down and onto another; but the time is now that I master it. I am ready more than ever for it to build me into a better person and am determined to focus my time and energy into working towards the exhilarating feeling of standing atop the wall knowing I have accomplished something great that will further me on my journey.

I believe my determination and positive outlook would be a superb gain to your campus. I embrace my struggles and triumph over them. Always bouncing back, more resilient that before, just when the world thought iŋ efe mi.

Jared961286 2 / 7  
Dec 18, 2013   #2
I like your idea to start the essay with some foreign words and further explain them.But the prompt said "particular" and I did not see any specific example to prove your positive outlook which,I think,may weaken your essay in some way.:)Good luck.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Dec 18, 2013   #3
But the two words she spoke that stood out the most to me were "bounce back".

But her two words "bounce back" meant to me more than everything else
Well.... I have a few doubts about this response in terms of its relevance to the prompt. Your prompts asks you;

*Please tell us about the particular life experiences, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus that will enrich our community

What you've written sounds more general and nothing in particular. I think this fails to satisfy their expectations in knowing about what they intend to know by this prompt.


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