I'm looking for a lot of advice and any catches in spelling or grammatical errors. I looked through both essays twice, but I sometimes miss things when I view my own work.
I'll be happy to read your own work, if you ask!
Thank you,
Samone
Common App Essay
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
I was never one for change, unless it had been planned. I had my path planned out. Birth, grade school, high school, college, military, family, die of natural causes. That was the plan, in that order. I was convinced that if I did everything right, I would never have any need to stray from that plan. Unfortunately, as high school ends, reality hits hard, and so does the economy. I don't have money to pay for college. So when a Naval recruiter called me asking me what my plans for the future were, the Navy seemed like a perfect fit and a small price to pay for college. [..]
BU Roommate Essay
It is three weeks before the start of your freshman year at BU, and you are talking to your new roommate for the first time. Since you are trying to get to know each other, what are a few things you would want to share about who you are?
Dear roomie,
Only three weeks to go and we'll both be shelling out hours of studying in our dorm. I hope that I can eliminate some awkwardness during that period with this letter to you, so you can have an idea of who I am, maybe let it sink in a bit. I cannot wait until we actually meet, but until then, take a little reference from this letter.
There are three very important things you should know about me.
Thanks for reviewing these. I really need Boston. I got a full ride Navy ROTC scholarship and its one of my few chances of attending college.
Thanks again :)
just some mechanical things here and there:
COMMONAPP:
I was never one for change, unless it had been planned. I had my path planned out. Birth, grade school, high school, college, military, family, die of natural causes. That was the plan, in that order. I was convinced that if I did everything right, I would never have any need to stray from that plan. Unfortunately, as high school ends, reality hits hard, and so does the economy. I don't have money to pay for college, so when a Naval recruiter called me asking me what my plans for the future were, the Navy seemed like a perfect fit and a small price to pay for college.(to acheive my dream, to follow my plan, etc. would flow better stylistically imho)
At least,T hat is what I thought until my friend's Naval Officer parents, both Naval Officers, called me soon after I started signing papers to start the enlistment process. They didn't seemedweren't too pleased with my decision, or rather not at all when- they started yelling at me as if they were my own parents. They stayed on the phone for at least 20 minutes insulting both the recruiters and my decision to enlist and told me not to sign anything more until they could get me more answers.
I allowed itthem to , with the expectation that I would simply humor them. ButHowever, after weeks of research, I began getting queasy about enlisting. Everything would change about my future.-c ollege, where I live, my job, and when I start a family would all change. Remember, I am not one for change.Don't worry, they'll remember. They just read it.
I actually started crying. I went into a panic attack whenever I thought about my future. I couldn't breathe whenever I thought about enlisting, and I almost threw up when my friends parents called to give me more information,e ven the day when they called to give me the most useful information I had received since the recruiter called me weeks before.
They told me, "We care about you, Samone. We know how much you want to go to college. So,I f you must enlist, take every chance you can to go to college, and become an officer." (Since there's a two-subject dialogue, and this quotation includes your name, the reader will know that they are the ones speaking to you. Stylistically, I think it's a bit more direct.)
That was all they said. It sometimes makes meSometimes, I feel guilty when family gives me a blessing for something they don't want me to do. In the end, it wasn't their decision. It was mine. I figured out at that moment, I had to make a choice, a choice that was mine. It was a necessary part of doing all the right things to becoming an adult. A part I had left out in my list of things to do from birth to dying of natural causes. - (Not sure what this sentence is about?) I made the most adult decision possible - I would enlist and swear in, and if need be, void my contract upon receipt of scholarship money,or a miracle, or money from a rich uncle I have yet to discover. I've grown a lot since then. I've made more adult decisions and expectations for myself. I still hope for that scholarship, but until then I am property of the US Navy and proud.
You have a fantastic essay/story. This is really great.
BU ROOMATE ESSAY
Dear roomie,
Only three weeks to go, and we'll both be shelling out hours of studying in our dorm. I hope that I can eliminate some awkwardness during that period with this letter to you, so you can have an idea of who I am, maybe let itme sink in a bit. I cannot wait until we actually meet, but until then, take a little reference from this letter.
There are three very important things you should know about me. First, I should tell you that I have a child's soul. Excuse me, if my hero may still be Barbie.but I was never really able to leave a childish stage, not with having to take care of small children all the time (m y dad never really stopped having kids). I have eight brothers and sisters, four of whom are younger.and I love spending time with them, and I love what we do when we are together. I can't help but get as excited as they do when they see a new toy, something shiny, or something that glows in the dark or bounces. A toys that combines all of these qualities get bonus points, and if I can find a sparkly glow in the dark table lamp, I might buy it and my little sister would be proud. I guess my childish attributes just come from my love of family.
Something that could come with a bit of childish spirit, is my dislike for picking upcleaning . (Idk, seems a bit more universal - wasn't sure what you meant by "picking up" until I read on.) I love clutter. I like having things around me,I t makes me feel like the world is still moving if there is a little chaos in it, so long as the bathrooms,and kitchen, andor eating areas stay clean.or(t hat is just disgusting.) I may have paper and highlighters everywhere, and it will get picked up, every once in a while, on that rare occasion that it starts to bother even me. Forgive me if it will seriously bother you - I'll just stick to cluttering up my space.
One very important thing that I must mention.Lastly, I can be the perfect study buddy. Even if we don't have the same classes, I can at least pretend to understand what you are saying. For all other subjects we do have together, we can study together and prepare for those late night study/cram sessions , if it leads us to have to do that . If we shoulddo , I have just one demand. We must be prepared for the entire night with more than sufficient amounts of coffee to last the night and some for the morning after , if we should happen to get some sleep from the night before. If you don't know how to pull an all-nighter, I'll teach you. Don't drink coffee? I can teach you to drink that too.
I can't wait to meet you. I will see you in three weeks. Until then, I hope this helps you get to know me a bit more. I'm sure that if you refer to this letter, I'm sure my character won't be too much of a surprise when we finally do meet. Oh, and congrats on making it into Boston University.(Just a tad redundant)
Sincerely,
Samone
Again, great content! I hope you get in! I applied to BU this year as well :)
