please look over these essays I'm working on for MIT EA. all advice is appreciated!
1. Please tell us more about your cultural background and identity in the space below (100 word limit). If you need more than 100 words, please use the Optional section on Part 2.
My mom proudly says that I am one-sixty-fourth French, from the ex- French colony of Pondicherry. The remaining sixty-three sixty-fourths come from an Indian state, Karnataka. However, I like to consider myself as part of another group, the American- Born Confused Desis. ABCDs, the nickname we go by, are the first generation of Indians born in America. While I was born here as a Desi, a term for Indian people, I have to disagree with the "confused" part. Both the American and Indian culture have affected my life equally, so I must just be an ABD, an American- born Desi. (100)
2. We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer).
I tie my last knot, hoping that this time, each stitch and piece would be perfect. Slowly opening my eyes, I mentally cheer myself upon seeing the beautiful quilt I had been working on for nearly a month. Since the first day, quilting has challenged my perseverance: from the internal battle of choosing fabric colors to wrestling with sewing machines, making a quilt can be taxing. And although quilting often results in my pricking myself with a needle, the ends outweigh the means. I revel in the feeling of accomplishment and pride of seeing a quilting project through. (99)
3. Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer)
My family had always wanted me to become a doctor. Although I enjoy the sciences, especially biology, the fact that I cringe upon getting blood drawn and can hardly bear entering hospitals eliminates my chances as a successful doctor. It was this past summer, after conducting research at the Center for Advanced Surgical and Interventional Technology at UCLA, that I began to channel my interests in science to the field of bioengineering. Since the opportunity to contribute to medicine without having to physically administer drugs and conduct procedures excites me, I am interested in MIT's Department of Biological Engineering. (99)
The remaining sixty-three sixty-fourths come from an Indian state, Karnataka.
... :D ... Well those numbers confused me.... I think you should leave the previous line with one sixty forth and this one without that speicification;
The remaining fraction builds up from my ancestors from Karnataka, a Southern Indian state.American- Born Confused Desis
... that's interesting :D... Better you explain what Desi means because they may not know that .
Anyway, it's interesting. However, add more positives to the confusion part because that word gives a bit negative feeling.
