the opportunities + business program -Why I'm interested in The Ohio State University

Hey guys, if you could just give me any tips or advice on this essay it would be greatly appreciated. Ohio State is my dream school and it would mean a lot for any advice!

Choosing a college is one of the most important decisions of my life. I believe that the opportunities that are provided at Ohio State will allow me to be successful in life. One of the most appealing aspects of The Ohio State University is the spirit that each student possesses for the university. Whether it be walking around the campus decked out in their Ohio State gear, or jumping around in the Horseshoe when the football team is playing "that school up north," Michigan. In high school, school spirit is very important to me. Getting dressed up in my spirit wear is something I love to do! I could definitely see myself being a Buckeye and getting into the great tradition and spirit of The Ohio State University.

Ohio State's nationally ranked business program is very important to me. I think that graduating from Ohio State will open a lot of doors in the business world. Eventually, I would love to own and operate my own business. I believe that I will have this opportunity from the skills that I will obtain in college. I am personally motivated to do well and determined to have a great career.

The large campus and enrollment of Ohio State does not intimidate me, it excites me! When I think about what I want my college to be like, I think BIG and that is exactly why Ohio State fits just right. I am an active person that lives an upbeat lifestyle, so I need a university that can provide that as well. I love all the activity of a big city. I am independent and will find my way in college. I have always been involved in extracurricular activities and look forward to getting involved in the campus activities as well.

I feel as though your essay is straight forward but i think it would help if expanded and describe ohio state university more...

Not helpful. Don't tell them choosing a college is important, and don't tell them that you think Ohio state will help you be successful. That is called "wasting sentences."

the spirit that each student possesses for the university. --- this is not so good, either, because every student is different... Unless you have some good examples to back this up, it does not mean much. This is something you see at any school:

Whether it be walking around the campus decked out in their Ohio State gear, or jumping around in the Horseshoe when the football team is playing "that school up north," Michigan.---Also, this is an incomplete sentence.

I believe that I will have this opportunity from the skills that I will obtain in college.-- this is the third time to asserted that you think you'll get opportunities by going there.

Sorry to be critical, Jacob! But this essay needs to be rewritten, and it needs to be ABOUT something. It needs to be about your interests... articles you have recently read about entrepreneurship, for example. You did not even specify what kind of business you would like to start. I think you need to do some reading and mindmapping, and then write an inspired essay.

:-)