Orphaned kids in Ethiopia - My Common app Final essay

I remembered the first day I walked into the SOS children's village, a nongovernmental organization founded to help orphans in Ethiopia. I was volunteering as a teacher in the organization, trying to teach the children basic subjects like Math, English, and Science. I went to the Supervisors office, and asked if I could volunteer in the Organization. He gave me a warm grin and told me, to start immediately.

The sight that welcomed me was tragic and unfortunate. The children were in the worst possible state. The learning environment was almost nonexistent; the children look starved, with tattered clothes and runny noses. There weren't enough chairs to go around, and some of the students sat on the floor.

But I could see the willingness to learn in the children's eyes. I began teaching. I have never seen a group of kids this excited and eager to learn. Through time I learnt their names, and I started getting to know them better. I started to know what the stories behind their sorrowful eyes were. Each and every one of them had a different and impacting story.

I loved teaching the kids. It surprised me that the state that they lived in, didn't much affect their ability to imagine. They were very fast in understanding the concepts and their playful nature moved me. There were kids in the class who administered greater skills in Math, and in English. It made me think of how their life would have been if fate had been so kind. If their parents were alive, they would have lived completely different lives.

.I went home everyday wandering what I should do to change the lives of these children. Here I was, I had a loving family, an education, i could leave the Orphanage, leave their way of life, leave the poverty, and the emptiness, but they couldn't. They were trapped there, in an orphanage. Four walls that told them that they weren't wanted, that they didn't belong. I spent endless nights trying to figure out how I am going to help the kids.

The realization that orphaned kids struggled everywhere in Ethiopia, was a greater pain for me. I don't know how I appointed myself the delegate of these orphans, but I felt I had a responsibility to help these children. Ethiopia right now, needs motivated people. They need people who know what they are doing. I made it my life goal to help these children. I am motivated, but first I need an education, an education that would change my motivation into a tangible action, that can be seen by Ethiopians and the world.

1. In the first sentence, it's remember, not remembered.
2. Take the comma out of the last sentence in the first paragraph.
3. Don't use contractions.
4. It's better not to start a sentence with but. See if you can fix that.
5. I loved teaching the kidschildren . It surprised me that the state that they lived in, didn't much affect their ability to imagine. They were very fast in understanding the concepts and their playful nature moved me . They had brilliant imaginations and were to quick to understand the concepts. Their playful nature moved me.

In all honesty, I wouldn't submit a sentence like the one I just wrote for you, but I'm all essayed out for now, so that's the best I can do.

6. There is a lot of incorrect grammar throughout the essay. I would advise you to give it to a parent or teacher to look over.

Best of luck.

What about this

Out of all of the things that I absolutely detest, waking up early for something I don't want to do is definitely among the top of that list. I wake up to volunteer at a homeless shelter. The homeless shelter I volunteer at is called SOS, nongovernmental organization founded to help orphans in Ethiopia. I went to the Supervisors office, and asked if I could volunteer in the Organization. He gave me a warm grin and told me, to start immediately. I was volunteering as a teacher in the organization teaching the children basic subjects like Math, English, and Science

The sight that welcomed me was tragic and unfortunate. The children were in the worst possible state. Surrounded in a giant flaming fire of the sun, the kids sweated excessively as if they just had a bath; and their tanned skin, which showed nothing but destitution, spoke the ineffable language of misery. According to their appearance, I guess the two are siblings, a girl, about 6-7 years old, was carrying her little brother. They both wore shattered clothes with expectable banal colors. The fact that they have to deal with survival threats every day doesn't allow them much chance to think of having normal clothes, not even mentioning beautiful ones. The pavement where they sat earlier was fully filled with some kind of yellow flowers, lively and flesh, sharply disparate with the kids. They looked lost in the color of hope and happiness of this nature's creation. How can anyone feel the glow of happiness in this scene? It seems impossible to me. The learning environment was almost nonexistent; the children look starved, with tattered clothes and runny noses. There weren't enough chairs to sit so, some of the students sat on the floor. But I could see the willingness to learn in the children's eyes. I began teaching. I have never seen a group of kids this excited and eager to learn. Through time I learnt their names, and I started getting to know them better. I started to know what the stories behind their sorrowful eyes were. Each and every one of them had a different and impacting story.

Without a doubt, there are many times in my life when I need to experience something like this. After seeing this much dejection and sadness, and knowing there really is nothing else I can do for these people, I always conclude with the fact that the problems that I face compared to the problems the homeless face are petty. After seeing the simple necessities many of these people have had to cope with not living with such as teeth, hot showers, and warm meals, I've realized that I take many things for granted. These experiences have helped me to believe that I don't always need the biggest or nicest thing just because it looks pleasant. I've learned that I can live without having the newest electronic gadget but I can't live without my family.

I never did and never thought I will enjoy helping out at a homeless shelter. But the more I do this, the more I've understood that volunteering is helping me to become a better person. These experiences have developed into more than just a reality check; they've become wake-up calls. After working at SOS for two month, I've realized that working there has become more beneficial to me into becoming a better individual than anything else that I've ever experienced in my life.

I loved teaching the children. It surprised me that the state that they lived in, didn't much affect their ability to imagine. They had brilliant imaginations and were too quick to understand the concepts. Their playful nature moved me. There were kids in the class who administered greater skills in Math, and in English. It made me think of how their life would have been if fate had been so kind. If their parents were alive, they would have lived completely different lives.

I went home every day wondering what I should do to change the lives of these children. Here I was, I had a loving family, an education, i could leave the Orphanage, leave their way of life, leave the poverty, and the emptiness, but they couldn't. They were trapped there, in an orphanage. Four walls that told them that they weren't wanted and they didn't belong. I spent endless nights trying to figure out how I am going to help the kids.

The realization that orphaned kids struggled everywhere in World, was a greater pain for me. I don't know how I appointed myself as the delegate of these orphans, but I felt I had a responsibility to help these children. Ethiopia, Africa and The world right now, needs motivated people. They need people who know what they are doing. I made it my life goal to help these children. I am motivated, but first I need an education, an education that would change my motivation into a tangible action.