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"I've outgrown my small town life" WHY STANFORD IS A GOOD FIT FOR ME



em2always 15 / 78  
Oct 30, 2010   #1
Offer me intricate helpful advice & Then leave a link to your essay. I'll do the same

I have outgrown my small town life. At Romulus Central School, almost all of the students are white, come from a family of farmers, and will attend community college. I want a different future. I want to join a larger and more diverse community that will stimulate and support me and open the door to a wider world. I believe I will find that community at Stanford University.

The opportunity to participate in outdoor athletics on the sunny, suburban campus of Stanford would be an exciting, new experience for me. Romulus Central School did not have enough money for a track or for a sufficient number of hurdles. Consequently, I leapt and sprinted my way around the school parking lot with half of the hurdles required for my track events. Despite the shortcomings of the school facilities and severe spinal scoliosis, I was able to set new school records and win awards at the regional and state track meets in these events.

I look forward to joining the Mock Trial Team at Stanford University because I believe the advocacy skills that I develop there could help me in my future career. I enjoyed acting in school plays at my high school, and I would have joined a debate team if they had one.

Adjusting to the Stanford environment will be a challenge because my peers are all gifted and multi-talented. I want to make a significant contribution to the campus, as I have in high school. At present, I have one of the highest grade point averages in my class, I was inducted into the National Honor Society, and I am a semifinalist in the National Achievement Scholarship Competition. I want to be pushed, test my limits, and then surpass them.

WUSTL 2 / 5  
Nov 4, 2010   #2
I would tie your essay more into your prompt, which is why Stanford is a good fit for you. Most of what you said supports that you are a good athlete and a good student, which will come across in your application. I believe that you're missing the point.

I like you're intitial thesis of outgrowing small town resources (I know the feeling...), I would expound upon that more, and work on tying it into why this makes Stanford a good fit.

I enjoyed acting in school plays at my high school, and I would have joined a debate team if they had one.

I don't like this sentence. I would edit to say "I enjoyed acting in school plays at my high school, and I would have joined a debate team if they had one. The amount of opportunity available to me at Stanford will ensure that I won't ever be denied something to do because of unavailability.",

or something that ties Stanford into it.

At present, I have one of the highest grade point averages in my class, I was inducted into the National Honor Society, and I am a semifinalist in the National Achievement Scholarship Competition.

Again, these will come through on your common app, and don't need repeating.

I would add a stronger conclusion as well. Even a simple", and Stanford will provide just the environment I need to excel." on top of what you already have would work. This just goes with the theme that I think you should focus on your prompt more.

I'm a senior in High School as well from an even smaller town, so I hope I can help you out :)


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