"overly complicated tasks" - saying about me as a person, Common App Essay

Hey everyone! I am applying to Vanderbilt, Rice, and a few other colleges. I have chosen the "Topic of Choice" prompt. Please help me on deciding if this essay is appropriate for use in the Common App. I am afraid it doesn't say much about me as a person...Thanks in advance for reading!

Today is anything but a lazy Sunday. My weekend is quickly drawing to a close, but I still have so much to complete. I glance down at my to do list where I've crossed off a mere three tasks despite staying in Saturday night to catch up on homework. Numerous books and binders are sprawled across my bed, reminding me that I will undoubtedly be awake until midnight or later trying to memorize a soliloquy by Hamlet and editing pages from the latest yearbook deadline. My pre-calculus book feels heavy in my lap but it barely weighs anything in my mind. I slide the book and its impossible plethora of equations to the side as I look out the nearest window and sigh. Outside, I notice that a willow tree is crying in the wind as the sun sends sparkles of hope over the sad foliage. The weather is breathtaking and I can't bear it; I snatch my keys off the counter and head to my car for an afternoon drive.

As I roll up and down the roads of the gentle Oklahoman plains, I turn my head and look at the all too familiar surroundings. The thorn bush groomed to resemble a tractor passes by in a green blur while the indigo-blue sky chases me, never leaving my sight. My heart skips a beat when I see the dream house I have always longed for, and my stomach turns as I see someone's home that was burned down years ago, its toasted-black beams wilted like a sunflower in the summer heat.

These thoughts don't linger for long as I press on down the winding road. Next, I see (and smell) the cow farm across the street from the railroad tracks. A train chugs by parallel to my car, and I hear it's staunch whistle in my ears. I envision myself as the train for a sweet moment; I am on a voyage, and in less than eight months I will be on a different sort of journey--going to college. Any small perturbations are subsided when I think of all the new experiences that await me. I am not afraid.

I pull up to a rusty stop sign, where someone has stenciled "It's Hammer Time" below the white "Stop" letters, and it makes me chuckle just like it did last Sunday. My engine purrs and my voice joins it, breaking out in song and creating an eccentric harmony only I could appreciate. Each time a car passes, I try to look into the driver's eyes. In my head, I'm asking, "Where are you headed to? Don't you want to know where I'm going?" but they never hear me because they are going, going, gone.

Finally, I reach my destination, which is actually no destination at all. The last of my journey welcomes me with a narrow gravel road and a bright yellow sign that screams "DEAD END." My thoughts are gripped back to reality as I remember it's time to turn back and finish all of my responsibilities.

My life is a constant struggle between overly complicated tasks and understated moments of pure simplicity. In such a world where great vigor is not always enough to satisfy, breaks from the hustle and bustle of life remain the comic relief of my day. It takes only minutes of observing nature for one to draw back to reality and realize that the joy of life is to appreciate the infinitesimal but ever so important beauty of simplicity.

I actually enjoy reading this piece. I don't know about the admission but for me, I think you did show your personality through your writings even though you did not directly stated it.

I just have some little suggestion, because some of your sentences are "telling," but by taking off some unnecessary words, they can be great "showing".



I like this line :)






Your conclusion you kinda lost the tone that you had. Try to rephrase the who part to see if you can make the transition smoother.

That's all I have and feel free to select whatever you think is useful since this is only one person comment. Good luck getting into your top choices. Happy holiday!

I really like your writing. A few doubts though:

Check up on the grammar of "a mere three tasks". I think it might be better phrased as "merely three tasks".

"A train chugs by, parallel to my car"

Also, the context you've used staunch in, doesn't seem correct.

"Any small perturbations are subsided" doesn't seem right. Also, if you're unlikely to use words like perturbation in day to day life, use a simpler word, like doubts or anxieties.

"comic relief of my day". I don't think most of the experience was all that funny, except for the cows' smell and the stop sign joke. Maybe just the relief of the day. And why is the beauty of nature infinitesimal (small)?

Lastly, could you have a look at my essay?