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"my own personal definition of success for the future" - UC ESSAY #1


christiek 6 / 65  
Aug 29, 2009   #1
Describe the world you come from-for example, your family, community or school -- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations

My mother received the letter from the college she applied to, and she hid it from her parents. She didn't want to burden them because they had no money to send her to college. She was accepted to the school, but her dream wasn't in reach because of her parent's financial problems. Both of my parents came from different situations. They learned as time passed how important education really is. Their struggles and sacrifices have been etched into my heart as a reminder to achieve the best of my ability.

There were struggles involved living on a farm in rural Korea during the 1960's. Even though my father and his siblings spent a lot of their time on the farm than in school, an important lesson they learned is to not take things for granted. Consequently, plants are precious in my family- especially gardening plants, water is not wasted and all the food on my plate is consumed. My grandparents have an abundant garden in their backyard, and I believed that there is no other garden as vigorous as theirs. There has always been an appreciation of not taking things for granted. The end result of all the effort I put into something is always subjected to adjust, because dreams aren't granted, only wishes are.

Society demonstrates that success can only be a result of being educated. Though my aspirations and dreams have been strengthened as an active member of society, I am also molded by the routine of my father's past. There is only one adult in my family who has graduated from a college. That fact affects me in many different ways. Whether by receiving pressure from my parents, being the oldest sibling or demonstrating a good path for them or even the excitement of having my success at my fingertips, I could be the one to graduate. My father has taught me, "Success is what you do and being happy."

Throughout the years I learned that education is not just for more opportunities. Education is important to my family and me because it helps you reach your maximum potential.

That is when I aspired to achieve my own personal definition of success for the future. To be happy with what I am doing and looking forward to it every morning. The image of success in my mind is so clear. However, making those goals come true is a long journey ahead. Thinking about the difficult situation my father and mother went through encourages me to have dreams and be ambitious in achieving them. I want to give back to people less fortunate than I; and appreciate their ability to cherish the tiniest things. For those children living in third world countries or other poverty-stricken places, I hope to give them strength. From the world I come from, my aspiration to take part in the medical field has grown stronger.

PLEASE LEAVE ANY COMMENTS/SUGGESTIONS.
its my first draft, so there needs to be more editing
i think it needs to be more clear??
ELL 1 / 10  
Aug 29, 2009   #2
"Throughout the years I learned that education is not just for more opportunities. Education is important to my family and me because it helps you reach your maximum potential. "

There has to be some connections between the two sentences.
OP christiek 6 / 65  
Sep 2, 2009   #3
any comments would be helpful :)
thank you!
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Sep 2, 2009   #4
There were many tears shed that day, and it was an overwhelming moment.

I don't quite understand why because you did not really write about the emotional aspects.

There is a predicted water shortage here in the United States. But when it comes, people will start caring right?

an important lesson they learned is not to take things for granted.

It is unclear how your father learned this lesson.

And on the other side of the city there was a boy whose struggles living on a farm in Korea during the 1960's were many.

Reword.

Education is important to my family and me because it helps you reach your maximum potential.

Education is important to our family because it helps me reach my maximum potential?

I hope to give sick people strength and the ability to cherish small things.

Good ending in my opinion.
OP christiek 6 / 65  
Sep 2, 2009   #5
thank you llamapoop123! :))

oh and i read your creative writing essay "she"
it was really good. i enjoyed it.
i didnt want to write this there because its not helpful advice or whatever...
hahah

It is unclear how your father learned this lesson.

mmkay, i will work on that part
:)
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Sep 2, 2009   #6
oh and i read your creative writing essay "she"
it was really good. i enjoyed it.

"Her" actually lol but thank you.
OP christiek 6 / 65  
Sep 2, 2009   #7
oh woops. sorry, aww i feel bad :/


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