'Painting is my identity' - your extra-curricular activities - commonapp

Prompt: Elaborate on one of your extra-curricular activities.

I never realise how quickly time passes when i indulge in making every nuance of color look impeccable while creating the perfect masterpiece. Painting; its more than just a hobby, its my identity. I started to paint as it was an activity through which i could be confined within the 4 walls of a room. However, everytime i painted, my eyes were opened to a new perspective of the world. As i delved into the various subjects pertaining to the world, i recognised that i was missing out on being a part of it.Over the years, painting has improved my patience, perseverance and my strive for perfection, but above all, it has lead me to think with an open mind. It is a form of art where there are no inhibitions and i am free to explore the world. It has changed me from a reticent person to a mature, gregarious individual who enjoys living life on the outside.

I want to know if it's an effective answer. If not, Id like a few ideas to make it better. Does it actually show that it has changed me as a person? because ive read it over and over again, i want a third persons opinion. Overall, is it average or pretty good? n please rate it on 10 so i know where i stand. If there are any grammatical errors, please correct that too. Thank you!!!!

Good evening :)

OK, let's see:

"I never realize how quickly time passes when i"I" should always be capitalized, whether it is at the beginning of a sentence or not. indulge in making every nuance of color look impeccable while creating the perfect masterpiece. Painting; its more than just a hobby, itsAvoid contractions in formal academic writing; this should be "it is." my identity. I started to paint as it was an activity that could be confined within the 4The general rule for numerals in academic writing is that if the number is between one and ten, spell out the word; if it is 11 or above, using the numerals is acceptable. walls of a room. However, every timeipaint , my eyes are opened to a new perspective of the world. As idelve into the various subjects pertaining to the world, i recognize that iam missing out on being a part of it.

(New paragraph.) Over the years, painting has improved my patience, perseverance, and my strive for perfection; but above all, it has lead me to think with an open mind. It is a form of art where there are no inhibitions and i am free to explore the world. It has changed me from a reticent person to a mature, gregarious individual who enjoys living life on the outside."

I think it's an average topic, but you relate it to yourself well, which gives it more significance. I think with a little polishing it will be a great piece ready for submission. Nice work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Thank you. :)
i will improve on it!!