Everyone has felt it before--the unbearably lonely feeling that they are all alone. T hey've all experienced that sensation(try to find another word) that they are invisible and the rest of the world is oblivious to their presence. Regardless of race, ethnicity, religion, or social class, everyone felt the painful effects of social displacement at one point in his life. Existing within every society, this social malady affects individuals as well as groups;it stems from a number of causes, including economic downturns, immigration, and people seeking refuge in a foreign land (refugees are not the cause of SD. They're rather victims.) . In a world where every day mind-numbing cruelty is carried out by the hands of adults and children alike, social displacement, despite its humble façade, remains one of the roots of communal and global discord. I myself have seen its consequences at my church and through the work I did with the Center for Pan Asian Community Service in Atlanta, GA.
Due to its ubiquitous and perpetual nature, social displacement, or SD for short, is one of the biggest issues facing the world's increasingly globalized society today. Humans are by nature creatures that avoid discomfort. In order to avoid the hard task of adapting to the new culture in America, many of the Korean immigrants who attend my church choose to band themselves together with other Korean folks . This style of thinking is not isolated to Koreans who live in Atlanta; in fact , it occurs everywhere around the globe. This banding together to find a place of familiarity and reassurance in a new and often terrifying environment has created Chinatowns, Koreatowns, gangs, ghettos, etc... (Gangs and ghettos seem a little far-stretched. Were you thinking of Harlem?) There is nothing wrong with comfort per say, but for many of the members of my church, their secluded world of Korea-everything is all they know. In the real world, this exclusivity inevitably debilitates them to the point that they can only operate in their isolated society. Some of the adults can't even order at a restaurant due to their lack of English skills and children fail to learn social skills necessary to succeed in American society. In the extreme, this vicious cycle ultimately leads to emotional issues, which sometimes ensue in tragedy. For example, the depression rate among Korean adults in New York City more than tripled in 2010. (New America Media)
However, not all hope is lost. Through my volunteer work at the Center for Pan Asian Community Service, I came into contact with another group of people who have been subject to SD : refugees. However, unlike Korean immigrants, these people were forced to flee their home countries for fear that their lives were in danger. As I spent a day with fourteen-to eighteen-year-old kids (actually, I'm not sure about this) , I saw their hunger for learning and their determination to build a better life for themselves. After working with these people, I realized that there was a solution for SD; I learned that private and governmental groups had the ability to combat SD and all of its negative societal effects. "SD is essentially a stricter definition of change. It is an intrinsic part of any society, and I learned from the refugees that overcoming the challenge of SD was what honed their determination." (Instead of these two sentences, try adding what kind of ability those groups have to fight against SD.)
I believe that social displacement is a natural part of life. It is an ever-present struggle, and although its effects may fluctuate depending on the individual's circumstances such as job, personality, and social status, I believe that through active groups, SD can be successfully minimized. (<-This could sound like a run-on sentence. Try splitting it into two.) On communal level, it takes active groups-- whether they be private, governmental , religious, or schoolwide-- to initiate workshops and events to help reduce the strain of SD. However, I believe that SD can be conquered most effectively on a personal level. There is nothing better to cure loneliness than a warm, outstretched hand that offers the courage to try new and diverse experiences. It is up to every individual in society to bring the clustering to an end. Let us root out SD together. (I'm sure you can come up with a better finishing line. haha :))
What exactly was the prompt? If it asks about the methods to exterminate an international problem, then you should probably add more meat to the solution part. (Think about more ways how an individual can reach out to socially isolated people and help them step out of their bubbles.) You're a good writer, and with a little bit of touch, I'm sure this essay will come out great.
Oh, and another thing. In the first paragraph, you use "everyone." Well.. the problem with using everyone as a subject is that it's actually wrong to use "they, them, their" later. (At least grammatically.) If you want to use the word in the right way, you'll have to use "he or she, him or her, his or her," but it can get annoying for both writer and reader. It's up to you: you can change to first person (we) or stick to third person but use a plural noun (people).
Best of luck to you, and Happy New Year! :D
I don't like the word encompasses. I think a better word there would be affects or "is of concern to"...
At the end of the essay, it goes in the direction of abstraction and idealism, and I think in this essay, because the topic is an abstract concept, it is good to balance that with concrete examples and specificity at the end. You used dramatic sentences at the end of the essay, but I think the end of the essay should have clear, simple, organized suggestions for practical action that can be taken by a particular kind of person... narrow the focus to your essay's audience, and really be simple and specific at the end. That is the hardest thing... to offer real solutions.
:-)
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