Let me know what you think! This is due in a week (:
Discuss how your family's experience or cultural history enriched you or presented you with opportunities or challenges in pursuing your educational goals.
Sitting on my uncle's lap, my dad broke the news to me that he was traveling back to America. His information seemed ordinary to me since I had become accustomed to him traveling to and from India to see me. I would miss the endless supply of Juicy Fruit gum and the stuffed animals he would spoil me with, but above all, I would miss my father's presence. Though I was only four years old, I knew something was different this time. The feeling that something life changing was about to occur wouldn't leave me. Everyone seemed to hug me tighter, came to visit more often and would tell me that they would miss me. Why would they yearn for me? I did not realize at the moment, but I was like a seed with my roots sowing the last few years; they were deeply planted in the rich soil of Punjab, India.
Returning to California from my parent's native land was definitely an eye opener to me. I was older now and had become more aware of my surroundings. Adjusting to English came easy to me since watching Barney and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while in India. The difficult part was immersing into the new culture. Going into preschool, I looked and acted unlike many of my classmates. Once, without thinking, I yelled at a classmate in Punjabi for unintentionally picking up my backpack. Communicating with teachers and classmates was undoubtedly a struggle at times. As I gradually coped with the new set of challenges before me, my surroundings became clearer. I was more observant than talkative as a child; my differences molded me into an introverted individual. As the years progressed, I did not consume myself on fitting in anymore. I later came to the understanding that being bi-national, bi-cultural, or even bilingual were in fact distinctive features about me. My Indian heritage set me apart from my peers, and having begun school in India at age three gave me understanding of an Indian education. This custom developed in me a sense of pride for my individuality, a pleasant demeanor, and a penchant for independent learning. It set me apart.
I try my best to be a well-rounded individual in American society and have come to be successful in American culture: honor role student, playing varsity golf and obtaining a positive circle of friends. I have dedicated my abilities and time to extra-curricular and service activities since I would like to make my own difference and contribution to my community. My experience in two cultures has helped me in working with people of diverse backgrounds and has assisted me to become the adaptive and analytical person I am today. And yet, when I traveled back to India in the fifth grade, I felt as though I was seeing Punjab again for the first time. The cultural difference was startling, but I needed to embrace it as my own and become a part of its inner-workings. I quickly became captivated with the beauty of Punjabi culture. Coming back to America after the month long visit, I began my passion for drawing and painting and it came to be my own way of embracing my heritage. All along, I just wanted to be accepted in both societies, and now I feel as if I have dug my roots deep into both and prospered.
Dad told me he was bringing me along this time back to my mom and baby sister in Sacramento, California. The thought of leaving a country I so dearly loved was heart wrenching. It was all I knew at that tender age. I felt my roots being shifted, and pulled out of the sweet soil I'd always known. I didn't know at the time but it was time for my branches to finally grow.
His information seemed ordinary to me since I had become accustomed to him traveling to and from India to see me.
This is my suggestion;This was nothing surprising for me because I was quite accustomed to this situation; my father always traveled to and from India.I would miss the endless supply of Juicy Fruit gum and the stuffed animals he would spoil me with, but above all, I would miss my father's presence.
In your previous sentence you say, your father's travel was something routine and it didn't take you by surprise; but this one again express that you are going to miss him... these two ideas disturb your flow, because the reader sets his mind that you are ok with father's frequent travel by reading the earlier sentence. Distracting the reader's attention again is going to disturb your flow... I think it reads better without this sentence.
