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My parents allow me to express myself as an individual; Tufts-'Let your life speak.'



IntlIndian /  
Dec 6, 2009   #1
There is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today. (200 words)

Unlike most Indian parents, mine allow me to express myself as an individual. I recall being given the responsibility of creating a tiled mural that enhances the antique wooden door to our apartment, along with my mother when I was only six. I have always been encouraged to try different things and not give up at the slightest hint of failure.

I was never under any pressure to perform, yet I began learning tennis and ballet, art and music at an extremely young age. My parents respected my decision not to study science after Grade 10, although Indian society largely believes that 'all intelligent children study science because it is the only way to get into a good American University and get a good job.'

I have been exposed to Indian stereotypes such as this throughout my life. I have been lucky enough to be born into a relatively liberal family and to have attended two liberal, nontraditional schools. I have always tried to break these stereotypes and continue my endeavor.

Always an inquisitive and logical child, at school or at home, I have never stopped asking questions: 'How does the remote control the TV?' or 'How come the fan doesn't cut air molecules?'

Always adventurous, my friends and I would often cycle around the neighborhood or go boating in the nearby Sankey tank. When we celebrated festivals in the neighborhood, we would share our holi colors or crackers with the street children and even grew to be friends with some of them.

On a cross-country ride at age 11 my horse tripped over a log. I fell and then refused to re-mount. My instructor gave me an ultimatum: "Either follow us on your horse, or wait here alone for our return." I realized then that giving up is never an option. I stand by that choice.

REQUIRED SHORT ANSWER (50 words)

Which aspects of Tufts' curriculum or undergraduate experience prompt your application? In short: ''Why Tufts?''


Tufts beckons with the prospect of an incredibly diverse international student experience, allied to world-class dining options. More essentially, it offers me the opportunity to test my own potential, the freedom to be and express myself without inhibition.

Please read, critique, cut down to size and/or improve the grammar wherever required. Quick answers would be greatly appreciated.
thanks :)


mastersirob 1 / 3  
Dec 6, 2009   #2
very nice short answer...the only thing is that im not to sure that the sentence about you always asking questions is in the right place in your short answer...other than that, very nice
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 7, 2009   #3
Unlike most Indian parents, mine allow me to express myself as an individual. A tiled mural that I helped my mother create when I was six enhances the antique wooden door to our apartment.

Thee two sentences do not seem to go together. Just connect them somehow. A tiled mural that I helped my mother create when I was six enhances the antique wooden door to our apartment, and it represents to me the encouragement I received about self-expression.

At the beginning of this essay, say something about how giving up is never an option. You must connect the beginning of the essay to the end.

:-)
Mandoy10 1 / 2  
Dec 7, 2009   #4
Awesome short answer. =)

But in the 200 word answer- where does..." At school or at home, I have never stopped asking questions: 'How does the remote control the TV?' or 'How come the fan doesn't cut air molecules?'" come from?
OP IntlIndian /  
Dec 9, 2009   #5
hey thankyou so much for your inputs :)
is the grammar okay though?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 9, 2009   #6
I found this error:
I have been exposed to Indian stereotypes such as this throughout my entire life.

This should not have a comma:
I fell, and then refused to re-mount.

or, if you want to keep the comma, add "I" to make it a compound sentence:
I fell, and then I refused to re-mount.

Read The Elements of Style by Strunk and White, and you will know everything!!
thatpersonphil - / 15  
Dec 9, 2009   #7
Thanks for your advice on my Tufts supplement...

"Always adventurous, my friends and I would often cycle around the neighborhood or go boating in the nearby Sankey tank. When we celebrated festivals in the neighborhood, we would share our colors or crackers with the street children and even grew to be friends with some of them."

What do you mean by colors? Not really criticism, just wondering.

"I have been exposed to Indian stereotypes such as this my entire life. I have been lucky enough to be born into a relatively liberal family and to have attended two liberal, non traditional schools. I have always tried to break these stereotypes and continue my endeavor."

Were you going for the parallelism here? I think it works, but if you weren't I would suggest changing up the beginning of your sentences

"Either follow us on your horse, or wait here for hours for our return."
Is this a direct quote? If you paraphrased it or something along those lines I would change up the ending "..or wait here for hours for our return." the double use of "for" irks me...can't really explain it.
Christinasha07 1 / 10  
Dec 9, 2009   #8
Unlike most Indian parents, mines allow me to express myself as an individual. A tiled mural that I helped my mother create when I was six enhances the antique wooden door to our apartment.

I was never under any pressure to perform, yet I began learning tennis and ballet, art and music at an extremely young age. My parents respected my decision not to study science after Grade 10, although Indian society largely believes that 'all intelligent children study science because it is the only way to get into a good American University and get a good job.

I have been exposed to Indian stereotypes such as this my entire life. I have been lucky enough to be born into a relatively liberal family and to have attended two liberal, non traditional schools. I have always tried to break these stereotypes and continue my work .

At school or at home, I have never stopped asking questions: '' How does the remote control the TV?'' or '' How come the fan doesn't cut air molecules?''

Always adventurous, my friends and I would often cycle around the neighborhood or go boating in the nearby Sankey tank. When we celebrated festivals in the neighborhood, we would share our colors or crackers with the street children and even grew to be friends with some of them.

On a cross-country ride at age 11 my horse tripped over a log. I fell, and then refused to re-mount. My instructor gave me an ultimatum: "Either follow us on your horse, or wait here for hours for our return'' I realized then that giving up is never an option. I stand by that choice.
OP IntlIndian /  
Dec 10, 2009   #9
Thankyou :)

@thatpersonphil

by colors i'm referring to powder colors that we use to celebrate a festival here in India called Holi. Google it. It's a really fun festival :) One of the two I actually celebrate happily.
thatpersonphil - / 15  
Dec 11, 2009   #10
Ohokay. I wasn't sure if you meant chalk or something..my bad...but sounds like a fun festival. Good luck with your apps. Who knows, maybe I'll see you at Tufts.
OP IntlIndian /  
Dec 11, 2009   #11
Based on your inputs here is my second draft. Any further criticisms/suggestions would be appreciated as well. Thanks. :)
chuncky13 8 / 11  
Jan 10, 2010   #12
find a better transtion to connect the two answers
they dont go together


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