"Passionate about soccer" - CommonApp 150 words activity essay thanks

frazzz 1 / 1

Mar 13, 2011 #1

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

I am always passionate about soccer. Of all the things I have done about it, founding a fans organization for my favorite team, Tottenham, is the one that I am most proud of. I came up with the idea in a talk with two other fans. Because Tottenham had only a small group of followers in China at the time, they were worried whether a fan organization would attract any attention. I convinced them that that was exactly why we should unite current fans and attract more. We began to construct a website as a platform for the interaction between our members. Moreover, we organized online game-watching events and held offline gatherings for fellows to become real life friends. Our membership has grown from three to 1691 in three years. As a co-founder, I learned that there is really nothing that cannot be done with passion, determination, and hard work.

word count: 150

As it suggests in the headline, any sort of suggestions will be appreciated. Thanks in advance!

linmark 2 / 325

Mar 13, 2011 #2

We began to construct a website as a platform for the interaction between our members. Moreover, we organized online game-watching events and held offline gatherings for fellows to become real life friends.

Is the website the main success factor for your founding the Tottenham fan club? How did you get the website up and running? How did you meet up and talk to the two other fans? What about the context of being in China and what makes the Chinese fans relate to Tottenham? What did you learn about people and the world?

OP frazzz 1 / 1

Mar 13, 2011 #3

Given the word limit, this essay really does not allow much space for details. I guess I have to write a 1000 word essay on this to fully answer all you questions. =) However, I will try to elaborate on the "how did i" process. Thanks for commenting.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053

Mar 17, 2011 #4

Excellent job here! I like your style.

I think you need an apostrophe:
...founding a fans' organization for my favorite team, Tottenham, is the...

We began to construct a website as a platform for the interaction between our members. Moreover, we organized ...---I like these sentences.

However, that last sentence is a cliche! It is not interesting. Do not ruin it at the end! :-) Say something awesome at the end... something quirky and unexpected. :-)