Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 2


Passport To The World - USC Personal Statement



llin 4 / 6  
Nov 25, 2012   #1
Please help me with grammar and what I could do to make this essay more personable. I'm at about 400 words right now.

It is an unhealthy addiction spanning thousands of calories. Last week, it was baklava. This week: mooncakes. Peering through the glass viewing window to see rows of perfectly shaped mooncakes baking in the oven, I reveled in the sudden rush of jubilation that traveled through my body. Finally, I, Linda Jiang, had conquered the fearsome king of all Chinese pastries.

This cooking addiction began in the 3rd grade when my dad bought me an Easy Bake oven for Christmas; it easily amazed my eight-year old self how a pack of powder mixed with a spoonful of water could magically become an edible cake. I easily fell in love. When the time came, I traded in my electronic toy for a real oven and, instead of using box mixes, I would rummage the pantry, toss ingredients together and eagerly await the unknown result. It was always a learning experience. Sometimes it was really darn awful. But when it turned out well, I always delighted in being able to share these treats with my friends, family, and even neighbors.

Cooking has not only taken me to the neighbor's, but it has also taken me around the world. Through food, I have traveled to distant lands and experienced their cultures without the hassles of air travel. From creating and sampling African akara to Indonesian curry puffs; the distinctive flavors intrinsic to their land cultivated a deep sense of appreciation within me for the diversity found throughout the world. Moreover, cooking has given me the opportunity to connect back to my own Hakkan roots in ways that going to Chinese school never could. The times I've spent in the kitchen with my dad have been some of my most rewarding memories I've had soaking in the cultural connotations he fondly relayed with special dishes. His vivid descriptions of such dishes made with ingredients only native to Southern China has garnered an interest in me to further explore Hakkan culture.

Even though I realize that next year marks the beginning of my adulthood where I won't be home the majority of the year, the feeling has not yet sunk in. However, I am sure that when it does, I will be confident because cooking has given me the ability to bring a part of my culture with me wherever I go and share it with whoever is around me. To me, this addiction is priceless.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Nov 26, 2012   #2
Hi
What is the word count limit?

It is an unhealthy addiction spanning thousands of calories

--------------- This is not clear. What are you trying to say? You love eating high calory stuff? ... better re-phrase this to give the sense of your idea!

Peering through the glass viewing window to see rows of perfectly shaped mooncakes baking in the oven, I reveled in the sudden rush of jubilation that traveled through my body.

... this sentence also a bit too long that affects the clarity of your idea.... It's good to display your creativeness in writing, but make sure you deliver strong ideas at the same time. The reader looks for easy comprehension first ; then he would look for attractiveness of your style. : )


Home / Undergraduate / Passport To The World - USC Personal Statement
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳