That Wednesday afternoon, it felt like eternity had passed,
but. finally the last bell rang and I rushed to my mom's car. The twenty five minute drive , although time-consuming, gave me time to reflect on my day and look forward to working at the hospital. My position as the pediatric volunteer was the most rewarding job ever.
But I was also aware that he was weak, perhaps, too weak.
^Your use of the word 'aware' suggests your certainty, whereas your use of the word 'perhaps' does the exact opposite as it shows an element of uncertainty. Whilst I enjoy reading clever juxtapositions, this just does not make sense.
I walked in through the double doors and immediately, the distinct smell besieged me. I took the elevator to the second floor, made two consecutive right turns, and arrived at the pediatrics department. It was my third week, and in all honesty, it was quite monotonous. I wasn't expecting anything different this time around, but I took a walk around the department anyways.
^I do not get this. You say that that it was monotonous, but then you start off the paragraph with something, the smell, that I presume was new to you at the time... I got confused after adding these two together, and your final sentence did not help either.
Room 290. That was the room Miguel was in when I first met him. He seemed so emaciated and withered that I it was difficult to notice the contour of his scrawny body, buried under the flannel blankets. I immediately assumed that he was far too ill to do anything fun
, but. as I was about to close the door, I heard a meager voice, "Hey, do you want to play a board game with me?" I almost couldn't believe my ears-after the long and unexciting shift,I could finally get to know someone and have some patient interaction. That day, I stayed two hours over my shift time. Instantly, Miguel and I formed a bond. He had a spark to him, a vivacity of some sort which radiated to everyone around him. It was like he was oblivious to the fact that he was suffering through acute lymphoblastic leukemia.
^With the bold part, have you never had patient interaction before. Because your earlier two paragraphs informed me that you had interacted with Miguel before..
In terms of what I have highlighted in Italics, whilst the spark and everything is fine, what I do not get is the formation of the bond. You guys played games before right? Did you guys not bond then? If not, then perhaps you should state earlier why not.
is one of the reasons why I am so inspired me to enter the medical field. His positivity was contagious. His endless confidence and hopefulness made me realize that I have what it takes to pursue my goals. In addition, while spending hours in the hospital, I realized that this is where I belong; it is my niche, and I want to spend the rest of my life in this profession. I knew I had made a difference in Miguel's life and I want ed to continue doing that as a career.
*...Given the context, I am not sure if using the word 'contagious' is sensitive. I hope other people will comment on it's appropriateness.
*How can some one else's confidence and hopefulness, make you realize you have what it takes to pursue...YOUR GOALS.??
But my efforts were futile compared to his body's vulnerability. He was too sick to even get out of bed.
^That simile does not work at all, and I assume it because you do not know what the meaning of the words you have used are.