Topic: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words max).
I really need someone to edit for grammar, clarity, and understanding of who I am as a person. Also if there is anything that you think I can add. Be brutal and honest.
Thank you so much in advance.
"Gboyeh, you have to go to student services" my teacher tells me signing my pass. Whenever I get that command, I gulp. I love being peer mediator, but I am just always scared that I may say the wrong thing or given mistaken advice. However, I go downstairs with not a slight fear on my face ready to resolve any situation -even the most trivial-with full respect.
I was chosen by an anonymous teacher to do my peer mediation training and I am forever grateful because it has given me a different retrospect to handling situations. I learned that what seems like a childish problem to me might mean the world to others. I use what I learned in my peer mediation training in my daily life. I enjoy bringing my optimism to brighten negative situations. The most liberating feeling is when the peoples involved in the conflict realize that there is a resolution.
- ""Gboyeh, you have to go to student services, " my teacher tells me while signing my pass."
- "I love being a peer mediator"
- "...but I am just always scaredafraid that I may"
- "...givenmistakenbad advice
- "...with not athe slightest bit ofslight fear on my face, ready to resolve any situation-- even the most trivial-with full respect. "
- "...different retrospectperspective to handling situations."
- "...when the peoples "
A pretty good essay! I like how you connect your peer mediation to your life now. Best of luck! Don't be frightened by the corrections I made. Use them to make your paper even better!
I think this is definitely a good passage, but could you maybe end with a situation that has shed positive light to your experience as a peer mediator? You begin with a reference that draws back to your fears as a peer mediator, but maybe if you ended with something like "I'll never forget how great I felt when I helped ________" or something along those lines it may help your readers understand you a little more.
thanks raphael0729! i'm not frightened, thank you so much for helping.
clare 11,
thanks, i will. i understand what you are saying, thank you so much!
You were very brief and to the point, which is incredibly important. I definitely got your message from reading that, and it didnt need to be wordy and elaborate. awesome!
"Gboyeh, you have to go to student services(is student services a department? If yes, it should be "the Student Services" I think) " my teacher tells me signing my pass. Whenever I get that command, I gulp. I love being peer mediator, but I am just always scared that I may say the wrong thing or given mistaken advice. However, I go downstairs with not a slight ("no" may be more concise ) fear on my face ready to resolve any situation(resolve should use with problem perhaps?) -even the most trivial one -with full respect.
I was chosen by an anonymous teacher to do my peer mediation training and I am forever grateful because it has given me a different retrospect to handling situations. I learned that what seems like a childish problem to me might mean the world(a lot) to others. I use what I learned in my peer mediation training in my daily life. I enjoy bringing my optimism to brighten negative situations. The most liberating(I don't think there is a word liberating, try satisfying or cheering) feeling is when the peoples involved in the conflict realize that there is a resolution.
Overall, I like your essay a lot! It shows you as a selfishless and sincere student, traits that are rare found in others.
Just spent more time on sharpening your words and it would be perfect!
Good luck :)
