Penn professor essay ("It is the organ"). What do you think?

ugh...i kind of hate this. it just seems so flat and boring. i want them to know that i am passionate about the field, but this essay doesn't seem to accomplish that. any thoughts? also, how can i revise the last sentence? thanks a lot.

Penn offers its undergraduates an eminent faculty and a wealth of research opportunities. Use the space below to name a Penn professor with whom you would like to study or conduct research and explain why. (1000 characters)

It is the organ which distinguishes us from all other living creatures. It molds our thoughts, fabricates our dreams, and stores our fantasies. It is the human brain - the only organ capable of controlling our bodily functions, from language and emotion, to memory and movement. At the University of Pennsylvania, I eagerly aspire to study with Dr. Javier Medina, conducting research in the areas of cognitive and behavioral neuroscience, fields that fuel my curiosity and captivate my interest. Dr. Medina is currently conducting experiments that study the neural processing in normal mice and in genetically engineered mouse models. He seeks to understand the link between neural activity and motor skills in the brain. Equipped with the tools of psychology and computational neuroscience, Dr. Medina investigates motor dysfunctions in the brain, and hopes to identify possible treatments of movement disorders. With countless publications, and a burning passion for the field, I believe Dr. Medina would unquestionably be the ideal mentor for me.

This is great.

I thought some things you might want to change, but decided not to tell them because I don't want you to mess this up.

I'm going crazy revising my Penn essays back and forth.

haha thanks. yea, these Penn essays are driving me insane; I'm never satisfied with what I have lol. good luck!

I think this is probably as interesting you can go with a topic like this! The way you approach your interest in the brain in the introduction is interesting, and I believe it does show your passion for neuroscience. With 100 words you've managed to efficiently portray your love for the field while answering the prompt.

I love your writing! Haha :D

Wow. Thanks so much tofu. I'm glad you liked it. No one actually gave me a response, so I was beginning to think it sucked. Thanks so much for your kind words. =) By the way, I've read one of your essays, and commented it on it: it was truly amazing. Great job.

i have read about 5-10 of these and i think yours is the best i have read and i would love your help on mine---

I think it's great, and nice tribute to Dr. Medina!

:)

Thanks a lot! I appreciate all your comments.