I believed I've been influenced by my Mummy since I was in her womb. Respect, moral values, and good manners are just some of the principles she had implanted in me as I grew up. She was an outstanding lady; mother; sister; wife; and a special friend to most people who knew her. She would taught me how to be self-sufficient, how to be honest, how to be responsible, and most important how to be respectful to others.
My Mummy is the sole breadwinner in my family. I have 2 brothers and my Daddy got retrenched, so it is hard to keep up a financial stability with everyone's demand. I salute my mother. My Mummy spent quality time with us too, and she proved to me that working hard is not an excuse to neglect the family. She makes us enjoy every gathering and family time that we had. Undoubtedly, determination is one of my mom's qualities. However, I still have a long way to go if I want to be as determined as my mother. She taught me how to survive in this competitive world by teaching me what she has learnt from motivational trainers. One example is this - "Change happens. There's nothing you can do about it. Your best bet it to try and adapt to that change. You might be scared to try something new and that's ok, just do your best."
I am a product of my Mummy's teachings and support. She is a source of inspiration to me. The reason I am sitting here writing this essay is that my Mummy encouraged me to do all that I can to get into University. She wanted me to receive the highest level possible of education and be someone who can make a change. She was glad that I had a goal and she encouraged me to strive for it. I am thankful for everything that she taught me. To me, she's the dearest mother on Earth. "Hey Mummy, just wanted to let you know that I LOVE YOU so much!"
some1 pls help to edit this essay which is for my undergraduate admission.
Very nice, touching essay. You might want to tone down the "The reason I am sitting here writing this essay is that my Mummy encouraged me to do all that I can to get into University." part, though. After all, it is one thing to be influenced positively by your parents, and quite another to have no ambition of your own.
I see that you use the past tense for much of the essay, but you use the present tense here:
My Mummy is the sole breadwinner...
Should that say "was" or maybe "has been" instead?
She made us enjoy every...
Wow, here is an idea: I like the first sentence of the last paragraph a lot more than the sentence you use to start the essay. What if you start the essay like this:
I am a product of my Mummy's teachings and support. She is a source of inspiration to me. My confidence in writing this admissions essay is due to the fact that my Mummy encouraged ... To me, she's the dearest mother on Earth.
Then make the first para into the last para:
I believe that my Mummy's influence started when I was in her womb. Respect, moral values, and ...how to be responsible, and most importantly how to be respectful to others. "Hey Mummy, just wanted to let you know that I LOVE YOU so much!"
Wherever your Mum is right now, this essay must make her so happy and bring her such joy. Thanks for making my day a little better.
My Mummy is the sole breadwinner...
i used 'is' is because she is stil currently the breadwinner and might be for the next few yrs. so should i stil use is or was??
I thought "is" will be suitable for what you are trying to say, and I understand your reason for not wanting to use "was." I wonder if "has been" will be a better fit?
In the case of the breadwinner sentence, "is" seems to be the right tense. The movement back and forth between past and present tenses does get a bit jarring, though, so the essay would probably sound better if you used "has been," as Kevin suggested.
Great essay,instead of she would thought me,why dont you write she thought me instead?otherwise I like the flow.good luck!
Forgive me, Talia, my problem was that when you used the past tense it made me think that your mother was no longer alive! You should use the present tense, or present perfect ("has been").
oh ok thnx everyone for ur suggestion.
