ESSAY #1
In a essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.
Hi Yah! What do you picture when you think of Tae Kwon Do? You may visualize someone kicking an object. I see the momentary transformation of potential energy into a powerful kinetic energy, creating a percussive force to a unit. You may be picturing the kicks making contact with another unit. I see Newton's Laws of motion. You may see the unit losing balance, tipping over, and hitting the ground. I see the unit losing its center of mass while experiencing gravitational force.
Through Tae Kwon Do, I have come to realize my personal and professional goal: to create small, compact high tech sparring gear that can withstand heavy impact. Human bodies can only take so much impact, and the slightest miscalculation of force can result in catastrophic consequences. In extreme cases, this terrible miscalculation can result in death.
In Tae Kwon Do, pain is the main malefactor. Because contemporary sparring gear is so poorly crafted, pain is inevitable. However, my ten years of first hand martial arts experiences can be transformed into a means of new sparring technology that provides maximum protection for its user. This will not only prevent injuries, it will save the lives of Tae Kwon Do practitioners worldwide. High tech sparring gear does not have to be limited to Tae Kwon Do; it can also improve the safety and well-being of practitioners of other martial arts.
In the words of Harriet Tubman, "Every great dream begins with a dreamer." A dream is something that requires trust and dedication. A dream is something that motivates a person to reach beyond his or her limits. A dream gives someone a reason to live and without it, life can seem less meaningful. My own great dream is to change the martial arts world for the better.
ESSAY #2
In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.
Thailand is filled with natural splendor and extreme beauty. The beach resorts and ten story malls seem like paradise. The temples seem like gothic cathedrals. Despite these wonderful sights, the city I traveled to was the exact opposite.
Behind the makeshift paradise lies a world of poverty and despair. In Khon Kaen, one of the poorest cities in the country, houses are made of worn out metal and boxes, orphans and beggars roam the streets, and disease is rampant. However, I was more ready than ever to serve to serve the community collectively with my church orchestra -- The Global Mission Church Youth Orchestra.
I have lived my whole life in a carefree environment, where everything is provided in copious amounts. In the words my mother, "You are too spoiled!" My desire to learn not to take anything for granted compelled me to travel eighty-five hundred miles away from home. I needed to understand the world beyond my childish imaginations.
We traveled twenty hours altogether to Khon Kaen. Our goal was simple -- help the poverty-stricken community. There is more to Thailand than its splendid, idyllic sights. Our journey took us into the places unknown to foreigners, into the places of chaos and turmoil.
We performed numerous free concerts everyday at orphanages, schools, colleges, and community centers. We visited several orphanages and conducted team-building activities for the children everyday. The physical torment gave reasons to surrender. Even so, I refused to submit because of my ultimate desire for understanding and perspective; it was time to grow into adulthood.
I returned home after one week, as an adult. For the first time in my life, I served others over myself. I was reborn into this world with a new pair of eyes, capable of looking beyond the deceptions of this world.
How about changing "you" to "others." It is sort of offensive to make assumptions about the reader. Not really offensive, but you know what I mean. It's just a good idea to not speculate about the reader.
I like the idea behind that essay, though, for sure. Let's take out "first hand," though, because it is really unnecessary/unhelpful.
The second essay has great, eloquent sentences, but I challenge you to find the sentence that contains the main message of the essay, and more it to the end of that (very short) first paragraph.
:-)
