''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)
My mother cultivated in me a love for the arts at a very young age, enrolling me in ballet and piano lessons when I was only a kindergartener. These lessons not only became a great source of pleasure for me, they also helped me overcome my shyness. In elementary school, I was incredibly timid because I never felt comfortable expressing myself; in the afternoons, however, I was able to break out of my shell a bit as I pirouetted across the floors in ballet or played harmonic scales with Mrs. Sutter during piano. While I had never been especially talkative, I learned that I could express myself in a different way-through music and movement. As I grew older and started middle school, many of my classmates quit their lessons. I, however, decided to continue. I truly loved piano and ballet and felt that the lessons had caused me to grow tremendously as an individual. No longer was I the shy girl that I used to be; I now had the confidence to speak my mind and reach out to others. Although I eventually had to stop taking lessons because of financial reasons, I appreciate the fact that my mother gave me the opportunity to be involved in piano and dance for nine years. These activities played a major role in shaping the person I am today-an outspoken, hardworking, gutsy girl-and for that I am truly grateful.
Maybe you should not use "I appreciate", it sounds not very compassionate, try to find something stronger.
Although your essay is really well written, while reading I thought you were writing about activity,
not the world you come from, which was the prompt.
I would appreciate, better: I would love if you could give me feedback on one of my essays.
Theresa
Overall I think this was a nicely done essay. It shows your love & what you have learned/gained from music and dancing. Good job.
Hope this helps!
@deremifri-thank you! I will try to look at your essay when I get a chance.
@Zhoek-your revisions made my essay so much better!! You're really an awesome editor, and I really appreciate it. Thank you so much!
