A place where one is free from attack, where one experiences secure relationships and affirmation

Hello May you guys please revise and give me some advice on how to perfect my personal essay thank you.

Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?

A place where one is free from attack, a place where one experiences secure relationships and affirmation. It's a place where people share and understand each other. Its relationships are nurturing. The people in it do not need to be perfect; instead, they need to be honest, loving, supportive, recognizing a common humanity that makes all of us vulnerable. A home consists of childhood memories. Waking up to the sweet wonderful smell of pancakes being made in the kitchen, or being woken up by the chirping noises of birds. My home is where i feel perfectly content.

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A place where one is free from attack, a place where one experiences secure relationships and affirmation. It's a place where people share and understand each other. Its relationships are nurturing (Unclear. What is 'its'? Also, the 'nurturing' creates a sentence fragment. Maybe 'nurtured'?). The people in it do not need to be perfect; instead, they need to be honest, loving, supportive, recognizing a common humanity that makes all of us vulnerable. A home consists of childhood memories.(Up to this point, I can't picture a you. Reduce on the generalities and philosophies :)) Waking up to the sweet wonderful smell of pancakes being made in the kitchen, or being woken up by the chirping noises of birds. ( A picture of your home is now forming) My home is where i ( I ) feel perfectly content.

I grew up in a home in Brooklyn with a huge family ( How many people? Huge doesn't say much). Being ( Eliminate 'being' ) at home I was taught to strive hard whether it was playing my favorite sport, soccer right in my backyard. Coming home to the sounds of the major and minor keys being played on a piano by my father ( Complete the sentence ). At that point I grew love for playing music. I enjoyed helping my grandmother in the kitchen. Helping ( same case as preceding correction) out with dinner, setting up the tables to have a nice family meal. All the joy, happiness, and jokes being shared at the table ( Being introduces incomplete sentences. Just like in SAT Writing :-P). Those are the moments I enjoy cherishing( enjoy cherishing? Cherishing sth means you enjoy it). Homes are the memories being made within that house( another fragment. What do you want to say?). From the tears, birthday, parties, arguments and more. I have made all my achievements in that home and many more are to be made.

Check the grammar highlights since they recur in your writing. It would help to define what you want to share about the place. Is it the music that was meaningful? Discuss it! The soccer? Then talk about it! Right now you've just stated in passing. I need to meet you and like you through your essay, otherwise, I may not be willing to sacrifice $50,000 in aid money...