Prompt:
Explain why you wish to study at the College of Global Liberal Arts at Ritsumeikan University.
Your essay should describe what you plan to study and how you will benefit from the experience at GLA by giving specific reasons. in 400 words
I need feedback for this essay. I would appreciate so much if you could help me:)
I am keen to join the College of Global Arts at Ritsumeikan University to study, to be a journalist who shares the diverse culture to promote cross-cultural understanding.
When I was in 10th grade, I had a great opportunity to create a documentary film about Rohingya refugees, and this experience was a life-changing moment for me. Through the interaction with them, we learnt about how inhumane persecution influenced Rohingyas harshly; persecution occurring outside Japan, which I had thought of as something distant, felt closer to me. From then, I started wanting to be a person who can raise people's awareness and disseminate the issues.
From 11th grade, I chose to learn in the International Baccalaureate (IB) course, and deepen my understanding of global issues from several fields. As case studies in IB Geography, I learned about my current concerned issue, cultural conflicts: extreme cases of ethnic cleansing like the Rohingya crisis, to daily basis conflict like stereotypes and discriminations to foreigners. In today's globalising society, it is inevitable to face cultural conflicts. I believe a mutual understanding of other cultures is one of the solutions for them. Together with experience in 10th grade, my goal was created.
To achieve my goal, learning in GLA is essential. First and foremost, under liberal arts education, I can gain the ability to see the bigger picture of a globalised society, which is necessary for my goals. Secondly, I can obtain the skills and knowledge required for my dream, a journalist. From various subjects GLA provides, Media Studies is crucial for me, to learn cultural influences of media and the relationship of media and society comprehensively. I could develop and further my perspectives with other subjects. Thirdly, a highly diverse environment with interactive classes. This environment allows my critical thinking to be cultivated and enhanced, by participating in discussions with a diverse group of students and professors. Lastly, a dual degree program with ANU. Asian, and learning about the rapid growth in a globalising society with experience in 10th grade, I am interested and want to inform mainly about Asian cultures and influences. So studying at ANU, which is leading Asia Pacific Studies, is what I am looking for and will broaden my future career. Thus, GLA will help me grow not only in terms of studying but also as a global citizen and a representative of Asia, and be steps towards my goal.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 The essay does not perform well in terms of explaining what you can achieve by studying at the university. Rather than spending time explaining how your interest grew and why these exposures drove your desire to become a journalist, you should be combining all the requirements of the prompt in every paragraph.
In the last paragraph, there is an outline of what you expect to learn from the courses being provided. Rather than offering this generic explanation, work on merging these benefits with your previous exposure and experiences. By doing so, a more detailed explanation can be provided. It will also allow you to completely develop and present the connected relationship of the early exposure with the future career ambitions / plans.
