"playing my saxophone" - elaborate one of your extracurrifular activities

it is for common app #1.

1.Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).

When I learned that I could not play in the band due to the class hour conflict in the beginning of my junior year, it came as a shock to me. As my classes had gotten much harder, I had little spare time to practice saxophone. Band class was going to be (the) almost the only way that I could ever play. However, such obstacles were not able to keep me away from playing my saxophone. I managed to set aside some spare time to practice, even if that meant less sleep for me. I went on my own time to get score sheets and advice from the band director. As a result, I participated in most of the band's concerts as a first chair alto saxophone. As I practiced to play in the concerts, I realized that even though circumstances can be hostile, determination can help you overcome those circumstances.

This is great! It's exactly what the commonapp is looking for, I am currently doing the common app and i wish i had a commitment like this to write about. This proves a few things, you care about school, your grades and your course rigor, but also shows that you are determined and dedicated. Regardless of your schedule, you will do what ever it takes to pursue your passion and that it has proven to have paid off because you were able to have such a large role in the bands concerts.

How about this?
When I learned that I could not play in the band due to the class hour conflict in the beginning of my junior year, it came as a shock to me ...It came as a shock to me in the beginning of my junior year, when I learned that I could not play in the band due to the class hour conflict.

As my classes had gotten much harder, I had little spare time to practice saxophone. As my classes began to get more difficult, I had little time to spare to practice the saxophone.

Band class was going to be (the) almost the only way that I could ever play Band class quickly became the only means of being able to play the saxophone.

However, such obstacles were not able to keep me away from playing my saxophone. I was not about to allow such obstacles to stop me from playing my saxophone.

Have you given thought to your sentence structure? You can try stating the same thing in different ways before you begin to write your essay. Give it a try, and then re-work you essay, please.

Thanks,

Mark