Pomona Supplement Essay - Human Robot and Art

Hello! This threw me for a complete loop and Pomona's supplement essay is definitely one of the hardest I've ever written. Any mechanical errors, or even the entire essay subject itself, is up for criticism. I kind of wrote it in a hurry, so please excuse redundancy (but actually point it out!)

Prompt 1: Pomona's Critical Inquiry course is required of all first-year students, and is designed to be highly interdisciplinary and engaging. Recent class titles include: ''The Politics of Classical Art,'' ''Seeing Science,'' and ''The Theatre and Environmental Activism.'' Imagine you were hired to design and teach a Critical Inquiry course. Describe the title of the class, its contents, and why you chose it.

We live in a paradoxical society. Individualism, while revered, is held at arm's length, while collectivism is the one everyone shuns, but embrace tightly; we are an increasingly ideologically homogeneous population - a human robot population programmed identically by the society we live in. While the recent millennium has seen a surge in the Arts, the skepticism of whether it is "true" work of art still remains. In this class "The Human Robots and Art," an exploration into the social; psychology of people and our changing ideals of the Arts throughout time.

Why is it that ink on canvas is regarded as artwork, but the same work inked upon skin is considered harmful and juvenile? Why is modern art so belittled despite the meaningful complexity behind each piece while beautiful landscape portraits are considered "true" art instead? Or, in cases of literature, how did storytelling change? The Ancient Greeks who wrote plays only wrote in fixed time frames with no acts of violence shown on stage. In hand with plays, the hero's quest also evolved from this era from many of the Greek myths that told tales of brave conquests of what was thought to be insurmountable challenges. However, the more modernized version of the hero's test feature that of the femme fatale, or an antihero, and violence is now glorified (much to the Ancient Greeks' horror) on both the small and large screen.

When did such drastic changes occur, and why did the human robot brain accept such differences? When did we decide to divert from one set path of creation to another?

I chose to create "The Human Robots and Art" in response to my observation of the similarity in tastes and preferences people have to the Arts. Aesthetics, historically, have also come from similar roots: attractive, bright, a strict criterion that differs only slightly from population to population. In an ever increasing world of people growing number of ways to connect to those miles away, the idea of what a "good" work of art has been shifting constantly.

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Also, I would love to know a good closure statement.

Caitlyn, where does the explanation of the "Human robot" come in? You wrote a lot about the aesthetic basis of the seminar, but there was no clear reference to the definition and purpose of the human robot in terms of relation to your course title. I think that in order to properly develop this seminar, you will need to present a number of discussions within it.

The first discussion should cover the introduction to the topic. Then follow it up with an explanation about the definition, purpose, and other related topics in relation to the "Human Robot". After that, concentrate on the merging of the human robot with your art discussion. Somehow, I don't see a connection between the human robot and the changing ideals of the Arts throughout time. You will need to explain that.

Keep in mind that these Critical inquiry courses are designed to help ease you into college life. It is mostly a written essay seminar or something as far as I know. So don't over complicate the discussion. Just make sure that the topic you choose to critically study is something related to your major or something that you are really interested in. The idea behind this is just to familiarize yourself with college level writing. So keep the topic simple, interesting, and achievable :-)

Robotic Art

Why is it that nothing in the media is new anymore? The movies are predictable, the books all follow one plot...

Alright! I basically changed the entire topic of the essay itself, as well as switch up some lines. I hope I make myself more clear in this essay? If there's any fundamentally wrong errors, I am more than able enough to scrap this entire essay and start another one in favor of a cleaner idea. Thank you so much for answering! (Also, any mechanical error fixes would be great as well)

Changing up the content of the essay definitely worked in your favor. It comes across as better developed, insightful, and informative when compared to your first work. However, with only two paragraphs covering the whole discussion, I am wondering if you are not missing something or under discussing a part of the essay? Are you sure you have covered all the possible conversation bases in the essay?

If you have, then all that is left to do at this point is to develop an impressive closing statement. Unless, I am mistaken and the end of the second paragraph was meant to serve as the closing statement? In which case, the essay becomes too short. Try to add a third paragraph in order to meet the standard 3 paragraph format of all academic essays. It won't hurt for you to expand your discussion into a conclusion that showcases what you hope to learn by the end of the seminar in robotic art and how you hope to apply what you learned to your actual work. That is just a suggestion for you. You are free to develop your own closing statement for this essay. I am sure you will be able to develop one that will continue to make the essay as impressive as it is now.

Why is it that nothing in the media is new anymore? The movies are predictable, the books all follow one plot, and even the coveted "hero's quest" has now gone stale as it's replacements (the antihero, femme fatale, Byronic hero) all go down the same trite road. We live in a paradoxical society. Individualism, while revered, is held at arm's length, while collectivism is the one everyone shuns, but embraces tightly; we are an increasingly ideologically homogenous population - a human robot population programmed identically by the society we live in. While the recent millennium has seen a surge in the Arts, the skepticism of whether it is "truly original" work of art still remains. In this class "Robotic Art," an exploration into the sociopsychology of people and "individuality" as well as the conforming nature of what is known as the highest degree of individualism that eventually turn into redundant works produced by robotic motions. The goal of the class? Answering the question: "Is there any originality left?"

I chose the name "Robotic Art" in a response to my observation to the similarities in all forms of artwork. Aesthetics, historically, have also come from similar roots and all follow a strict criterion that differs only slightly from population to population. Even physical features now subjugate itself to the superficial laws of beauty that burrows its way into people's minds. Solely because aesthetics, storytelling, are known to be creative forms of self-expression, I was intrigued at why they were all so similar in either concept or the physical work itself. Thus, came the idea to have a class to discuss originality within art, disguised underneath the faux mechanism of "robotic motions," or better known now as "tropes."

Perhaps by taking the class, students would be pushed further into their own creativity, as well as study major creations that helped shaped the world of the Arts. Therefore, I believe a class like "Robotic Art" would twist the conventional attitude towards the Arts, and the thin line between individualism and collectivism, and make us more rational, critical thinkers.

Alright ~ I'm hoping this will be my last time editing this, but thank you so much for the advice so far. It's really appreciated!

Caitlyn, this essay is a go. As far as I can tell, you have already covered the necessary bases and allowed yourself to properly articulate your ideas behind the class or seminar regarding "Robotic Arts". It is interesting, engaging and asks the reviewer to ponder some questions about the relevance of art and technology in a unique way. I don't think you can do any better than you already have with this work :-) It is a very good and well developed piece of writing already.

So, all that is left at this point is for you to do your final check of the essay. Review it for content, make sure you don't want to add anything more to the discussion. Proof read for any grammar mistakes or punctuation errors, and then run a spellcheck one last time, just to make sure you did not miss any misspelled words :-)

Again, the essay is ready for submission. It is as good as it can be. Your current conclusion is exactly what the essay needed in order to have a strong finish. I am glad you thought of developing that paragraph. It really strengthened the overall essay in my opinion :-) Good luck with your application. I know you can get into this program :-)