Any criticism is welcomed!!! I'll critique in return! thanks!!! :))
What matters to you, and why?
Porch conversations. You know, those long conversations on nothing and everything in "the Book" - not the Bible, but the book of Life, la Vida. However "cheesy" or melodramatic that may sound, conversation is what matters most to me. Conversation allows us to connect, to communicate, to reflect. Conversation may be defined as an exchange of ideas, but when I refer to conversation, I include the moments spent merely absorbing.
People would vouch for my claim that conversation is what matters most to me. They would, of course, refer to my inability to be quiet, mention how "I've never met a stranger"; what they may not realize is that I value my loquacious nature for the moments in which I stop - the moments in which I listen.
I have gained so many perspectives from hearing the insights of my classmates on pieces of literature in my English class. I have better understood global issues through exploring the opinions of others in my online Human Geography course. I have discovered my passion of exploring other cultures by witnessing the journeys of exchange students. Absorbing the tales of my Tio Pepe and Nana Ruth over baked manicotti has enlightened me on my heritage further than reading about it in books. Rocking in a chair and wearing down the cedar on my handicapped aunt's porch has taught me more about empathy than any film. Making a simple phone call to my family overseas has kept our connection alive, saved our relationship.
Listening. Communicating. It's how society builds from its past, learning from its mistakes. It's how we've become globally-minded, connecting with others. It's how I discover my world, finding my inspiration .
I like it -- very unique. I did mine on a similar topic, laughter. On to the actual essay:
"You know, those long conversations on nothing and everything in "the Book" - not the Bible, but the book of Life, la Vida. However "cheesy" or melodramatic that may sound,"
I would stay away from using "La Vida" because THAT is what makes your statement sound melodramatic or cheesy. I would also omit the phrase "However cheese or melodramatic..." from your essay; it's you commenting on your own essay.
". It's how society builds from its past, learning from its mistakes. It's how we've become globally-minded, connecting with others. It's how I discover my world, finding my inspiration."
Be careful with the gerundive phrases at the end of these sentences. I personally like to use them (I like the way they sound), and I like the way you implement them here to create parallel structure, but "dangling participles" take away from otherwise forceful sentences (And I was told this by an Oxford graduate who corrected one of my essays recently).
"La Vida" does make it cheesy...never considered that. thanks :)
I put the commentary in to make the essay more conversational... playing on the fact that it's on conversation. Bad move?
And on the gerundive phrases: I was unsure of whether using them would enhance or weaken the impact. I used them for parallel structure and as repetition for impact... just like the repetition of "It's..." and "I have..." in the second paragraph. Once again, I am unsure if these approaches weaken or enhance, but I guess you think it weakens. I definitely agree though and appreciate your help and the help of Mr. Oxford ;) haha I am checking out your essay now. Thanks!
Well, I personally like them -- but I would get some other opinions before omitting them!
