The CommonApp essay question was:
"Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences"
My essay:
On the first day of school, I remember my English teacher asking every single student what their hobbies/activities they did during the summer. A couple of students said they went swimming, a handful said they had a soccer match and a few had scored touchdowns at football games. But all of the students turned their heads at me when I said I practiced air rifling. I've been air rifling for a long time now. My dad first introduced me to the sport when one day, he brought in a carved, wooden-like stick. I was only 12 at that time so I had to pretend it was a real rifle. My dad would teach me my arm and leg positions and how I should stabilize my body even when I pull the trigger. Ever since, I loved air rifling. I think I got it from my dad because he was a shooter back in the 1978 ISSF World Shooting Championships in South Korea. I would pick up the heavy piece of wood every day after school and pretend I would hit bullseye 10 meters away. Years passed, my dad bought me my first air rifle and I was so excited I went out and tried it. I put the score sheet 10 meters away just like it was in my immagination and went to my position. My left foot facing foward, my right foot behind, perpendicular to the other foot. My left arm tucked under my chest with my right index finger on the trigger and my cheek leaning against the rifle. I controlled my breathing and my heartbeat slowed down. I stopped my breath and let the dots on the tip of my rifle meet ends with the dots close to my face. I pulled the trigger and I had shot a 9 on the score sheet. I was so excited that I kept shooting for 4 straight hours. It was a whole new beginning. To me, air-rifling is not only a sport but it's something that shaped me today. My dedication and ambitiousness to practice everyday and hit bullseye helped me work harder than ever before. Air rifling taught me a very valuable lesson that I'll continue to carry with me through college.
I know my grammar is horrible, but I would appreciate any thoughts, criticism, help and comments!
"Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences"
My essay:
On the first day of school, I remember my English teacher asking every single student what their hobbies/activities they did during the summer. A couple of students said they went swimming, a handful said they had a soccer match and a few had scored touchdowns at football games. But all of the students turned their heads at me when I said I practiced air rifling. I've been air rifling for a long time now. My dad first introduced me to the sport when one day, he brought in a carved, wooden-like stick. I was only 12 at that time so I had to pretend it was a real rifle. My dad would teach me my arm and leg positions and how I should stabilize my body even when I pull the trigger. Ever since, I loved air rifling. I think I got it from my dad because he was a shooter back in the 1978 ISSF World Shooting Championships in South Korea. I would pick up the heavy piece of wood every day after school and pretend I would hit bullseye 10 meters away. Years passed, my dad bought me my first air rifle and I was so excited I went out and tried it. I put the score sheet 10 meters away just like it was in my immagination and went to my position. My left foot facing foward, my right foot behind, perpendicular to the other foot. My left arm tucked under my chest with my right index finger on the trigger and my cheek leaning against the rifle. I controlled my breathing and my heartbeat slowed down. I stopped my breath and let the dots on the tip of my rifle meet ends with the dots close to my face. I pulled the trigger and I had shot a 9 on the score sheet. I was so excited that I kept shooting for 4 straight hours. It was a whole new beginning. To me, air-rifling is not only a sport but it's something that shaped me today. My dedication and ambitiousness to practice everyday and hit bullseye helped me work harder than ever before. Air rifling taught me a very valuable lesson that I'll continue to carry with me through college.
I know my grammar is horrible, but I would appreciate any thoughts, criticism, help and comments!