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Hey Im really struggling with this one. please critique and share your ideas. also I have grammar issues
During my high school years in Ukraine my English professor and me, being a president of English club organized a summer exchange trip to Lithuania, which made me realize that life is an opened book and without traveling I would end up reading just one page.
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Hi there! I know you're excited about the possibilities with NYU. It's an amazing institution. :)
One of the first things that stand out is the bulky wording (e.g. run-on sentences and incorrect grammar usage). However, these are easily corrected. The first sentence, for example, would be more enticing and clear it simplified into two sentences like this:
Being the president of my English club in high school in the Ukraine was an asset when I, along with my English professor, organized a summer exchange trip to Lithuania. This experience helped me realize that life is an open book and that traveling added many pages to my book.
During my high school years in Ukraine my English professor and me, being a president of English club organized a summer exchange trip to Lithuania, which made me realize that life is an opened book and without traveling I would end up reading just one page. (SEE MY COMMENT AND SUGGESTION ABOVE) I generated tons of experiences (poor word choice) from trying to communicate with locals using a combination of English, Russian, Polish and Ukrainian to trying out different cuisines at a international festival, the trip was indeed a cultural exchange.
Instead, consider: I gained experience when communicating with locals, particularly when speaking English, Russian, Polish, and Ukrainian. Trying different cuisines at the international festival was an exciting cultural experience.
While living on campus, we attended morning classes with American professors who used a different to us(change the wording) teaching approach- discussions. [Instead, consider: While living on campus, I experience teaching approaches that were different from what I was used to, specifically the way American professors use discussions as a tool.]
We were able to challenge and analyze information presented by professors, a feature non-existent in Ukrainian education system. ThatThe summer exchange program inspired me to do my best in high school to make it possible to study abroad.
New York University is famousknown for its diverse student bodydiversity with students from almost every corner of the world. I would love to be a part of the purple school to add and share my unique characteristics and experiences with others to expand each other's knowledge. Therefore global aspect of NYU, with students from 90 countries and a student abroad program, is very appealing and beneficial. This section, in blue, is confusing and should be restructured.
As somebodyone not born in the U.S, New York City'sstrikes me with its power and opportunities fascinate me .
You can apply the suggestions above to the remaining sentences for improve flow and clarity.
I hope this helps and will be happy to assist further, if needed. :) Good luck with NYU!
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