In this state-of-the-art world, globalization has brought about the proliferation of commercial and cultural exchange between nations. Addressing this, divergent views have been sparked on whether it assists the country's progression or consequently leads to the erosion of traditional values. The following essay will cover both stances as well as express my perspective.
On the one hand, it is comprehensible that the endangerment of national identification may stem from the excessive sharing of cultural virtues. Since globalization has boosted reciprocity between cultures, some obsolete traditions or customs will be supplanted by emergent ones that comply with modern standards. This results in cultural assimilation, which seriously threatens the identity of certain norms. In addition to this, the contemporary young generation is inclined to follow and practice other countries' traditions rather than their own. Western culture serves as an exemplary case, particularly due to the worldwide influence of its music industry, being embraced by a majority of the global population. In this sense, those individuals are likely to abandon their indigenous cultures while focusing on foreign virtues. Accordingly, they will disregard their ancestral heritage, and obsolescence is inevitable.
On the other hand, I align with advocates of the viewpoint that the burgeoning exchange between nations in terms of business and culture engenders benefits that surpass any associated detriments. To begin, globalization affords individuals to expand their comprehension of other countries' unique values through immersion, thereby considerably broadening their horizons. Besides that, regarding the flourishing trade in myriad forms, the commercial industry is a direct beneficiary. Due to the increasing exchange and collaboration among countries, companies' goal will be to co-produce and share resources, services, information, and support, hence yielding lucrative profits. Ultimately, such synergy will stimulate economic growth, concurrently enhancing the international relationships of these nations.
All things considered, while the disappearance of national identity may underlie reciprocal exchange and marketing activities, I am partial to the view that this situation is synonymous with developments in various ways.
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The essay is actually overwritten at 326 words. You do not have the time to write that many words during the actual test as you have to self allot the 1 hour essay writing time between task 1 (20 minutes) and task 2 (40 minutes). If you write too many words in either task, you run the risk of not making the cut off time in completing this part of the IELTS test. It is best to practice expressing yourself quickly in shorter sentences.
While you did express your opinion later on in the essay, it would have helped your preliminary TA score had you expressed your opinion in a single sentence in the restatement + writer's opinion section. You left that aspect of the scoring consideration for that paragraph empty so no score can be applied. It is never good to simply repeat the writing instructions. That does not meet any of the scoring requirements.