Promt is evaluate an extracurricular activity or work experience. If anyone could look over my short answer it would be much appreciated!
For me, there is hardly anything more exhilarating than to cheer on the sidelines of a football field under the floodlights. The football arena is one of the few places where the smell of greasy hot dogs and the cacophony of a hostile crowd at the sight of a yellow flag are components of an unforgettably electrifying Friday night. As a songleader, there is a certain anxiety and restlessness in the air that I share with the crowd that makes me forget about all other worries. Dancing at football games has been the most rewarding outlet for my stress. There is not a more exemplary model of the value of hard work than performing a flawless routine at half time and remembering the sweat and sore muscles of the week's rigorous practice. Now I will always remember the pride I feel whenever I don my crisp, blue and white uniform.
Thanks!
This is great! It is very lively, and I could feel the atmosphere and imagine myself in your place. I don't think there is anything I would change about it, so sorry if you were looking for some constructive criticism. I would really appreciate it if you could edit mine?
The football arena is one of the few places where the smell of greasy hot dogs and the cacophony of a hostile crowd at the sight of a yellow flag are components of an unforgettably electrifying Friday night.
I would change that word to something simpler because your experience is personal so take a personal tone with it, idk if its me, but the word sticks out and ruins the flow as I was reading.
"Dancing at football games..."
Cheerleading?
There is not a more exemplary model of the value of hard work than performing a flawless routine at half time and remembering the sweat and sore muscles of the week's rigorous practice.
- I thought this sentence could be reworded better
Now I will always remember the pride I feel whenever I don my crisp, blue and white uniform.
- The now in the beginning of the sentence doesn't flow
perhaps change it to "there is nothing more significant than..."
other than that, congrats on a great response!
I really liked how you described your passion for cheering for football games in a way that works well with the prompt. Maybe you can possibly say what you did as a songleader.
there is a certain anxiety and restlessness in the air that I share with the crowd thatand make me forget about all other worries
That is a very well written short answer but it is too brief. You should expand more why you love the game so much rather than focusing on how it makes you feel. :) :)
Precise, concise, and perfect :)
oops i wrote 500 words max...i meant 150 words sorry guys!..and thanks for all the help!
I believe you are using some words that seems to be not from a teenager
You gotta use simple words sometimes to avoid conveying different message
For example, cacophony and rigorous in your writing
