What's the probability of existing? Make something out of it!

The right star - Personal Statement

Still a draft, but every feedback is valuable!

The whole Universe was confined in a hot, dense and small piece. No words were written yet, but each path, force and burst of radiation led it to the visually and mathematically perfect form we see today. Make a tiny adjustment on the Gravitational constant or add a little bit of Dark Energy and the Universe as we know would never exist.

Similarly, my burst of growth was sparked by my High School freshmen year. At that time, I wanted to be a medical researcher and getting into Universidade de São Paulo was the first step to my educational plans. With over 20.000 other qualified candidates aiming at that spot, I started studying harder than ever: that was my dream, I had to be prepared.

It happens that, on this road, I found a deep enthusiasm for learning, whether it is French Revolution or Euler's Identity. By opening and mixing these different boxes, I explored myself and listened to my own inner voice: unconsciously or not, at the end of that year, I had already been electrified by the nuances within our Universe. I understood that, sometimes, the path we take is what really matters: allowing myself to grow academically and personally, as well as getting out of my comfort zone were the most valuable paybacks.

Weren't by a tiny shift in the proportion between matter and antimatter, we wouldn't be here. What are the odds of such meticulousness? Allowing fear or self-doubt to take place doesn't seem to be the best return.

When I was 14, I took an exchange to Canada. My excitement shifted to panic as soon as the plane took off:
"I've never talked to a native speaker - what if they don't understand me?'"
"I don't know a single person on that country - what if I get lost?"
Weren't by risking, confusing "sheet" and "shit" or "bitch" and "beach", I wouldn't have met the Spanish bodybuilding whose discipline and resilience reinvigorates me to kill a troublesome Combinatory Analyzes problem, or my purple-hair English teacher, whose endless desire to learn new Languages (even Portuguese- lucky me) teaches me to never be satisfied with my current knowledge.

On the other hand, the opportunities I was experiencing just highlighted my community's need: drug trafficking, lack of educational opportunities and inconspicuous goals create an environment where bad influences prevail. I learned that you can't give an against violence speech to a 10-year-old kid who grew up being blown by his alcoholic and drug addicted father. Instead, it was my obligation to offer him a new perspective of life, an opportunity of finding his purpose and dreaming.

By founding Clube da Luneta and Seed, as well as giving lectures on Astrophysics, I had the chance of sharing this mindset that guides me through my road and makes me taste life differently. I expect to show to my community that life can be more than paying bills and waiting for Saturday: I want to motivate them to explore themselves as unique individuals who are capable of achieving absolutely anything.

By the same token, my acceptance to Harvard Summer School gave me one of the most enriching experiences I could ever wish: having breakfast with a Thailand math genius, lunch with an incredible Swiss writer and dinner with the guy who wants to be the future president of The United States showed me that there are no economical, geographical or social barriers for commitment and hard work - we can achieve anything we set our minds to. With the experiences acquired on this program, I've been giving lectures on education at PBF English School, where I have the opportunity of emphasizing study as the key to social and personal transformation.

Increase by a narrow shift the Universe density and those stars, that, millions of light-years away, died, giving me the calcium to my bones and oxygen to my cells, would never get by. What is the probability of being at the right distance from the right star in the right place of this hostile galaxy? What is the probability of existing? We need to make something out of it!

Isabella , this personal statement is highly interesting but focused on one too many topics. I am not sure if this is the right way to go because a personal statement usually focuses on the development of your interest in a particular field and the university. Then again, that is the basic definition of a personal statement. If the university has a specific personal statement prompt that you are responding do, I need to know what it is so that I can counter check the content of your essay with the requirements of the university. I am wondering though if you are not repeating information that is more relevant in other common app prompts. Try not to repeat information constantly in your essays because university reviewers really do not like reading repetitive information. Like you said, this is a draft version so it has room for improvement. I would focus on creating a shorter, but more informative essay at this point. Without any repetition.

@Holt , the prompt is: Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Thank you for your feedback!

hello isabella,
I didn't really get carried along in your essay, I got lost at some point, I don't know maybe its because you jam packed too many things in one essay..try to establish a coherence in your paragraphs so that the reader will get carried along